To be honest I have no clue what I’m doing.
I’ve been home from The World Race for about 6 months now and I have no clue what I’m doing.
To be honest, I haven’t really been “okay” lately. I mean, I can seem okay from a distance. I’m good at hiding things…or running away. I think I’ve been doing a little bit of both.
The past 2 weeks have been filled with arguments with the Lord and them ending with me feeling like picking up everything and moving across the country and just starting over. That would be easy for me to do.
They’ve been filled with me dragging my feet and feeling down-and-out about my life and where it is now. You know, I didn’t think that I would still be struggling after being home for this long. I thought I would have it all together be now…whatever that means. But I’ve come to learn that just because you expect that thing that you want or desire or think you need to happen, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. you should really just throw your expectations out the window…I thought I was doing learning that…I guess not.
This blog could easily turn into a pity party. I could go on and tell you about how feeling purpose-less is difficult. Or about how I so desperately want to be on the mission field somewhere holding orphans. Or about how I pictured my life being 100% different than what it is after being home for 6 months.
But if I choose that, I’m choosing to live in a pity-party.
I opened my devotional the other day (first time in a while…hate to admit that) and I was looking for answers like I always do. I was disappointed when I started reading a bunch of Oswald Chambers language that I really just wasn’t understanding. But a simple sentence stood out to me in the very last paragraph.
“Beware of harking back to what you were once when God wants you to be something you’ve never been.”
Oof. Sometimes those one-liners get me more that a whole sermon does. “..something you’ve never been.” He wants to make me something that I have never been before. How can I do that when I can’t stop complaining?
God wants us to learn. He wants us to be more. If we’re too busy being focused on how we can change our life we aren’t able to see that things GOD wants to change.
So here’s what I want you to do; God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life – and place it before God as on offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture the culture around you, always dragging you down to it’s level of immaturity, God brings out the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
Romans 12:1-2 The Message
My life is an offering. So it doesn’t matter if I’m working behind a desk or feeding orphans in Haiti. It doesn’t matter if I’m single or married. It doesn’t matter if I have 2 friends or if I have 200. None of it matters.
My life is an offering. It is not my own. It belongs to the one who sacrificed His son for me.
And as long as He’s leading, I’ll follow.
No matter where He may take me.
My life is no longer going to be a pity-party.
