In today's society, what makes a person strong?
A person is strong if they have no weaknesses, or if they have no hurt, or don't let anyone or anything hurt them.
They build this wall around them and act like everything is okay and always will be.
From the outside they look tough and brave, but on the inside that's usually not the case.
The weeks prior to Training Camp I had no idea what to expect. I was crazy nervous to meet my squad for the first time and I was going insane trying to figure out what to pack. I was trying my hardest to prepare myself for the tough week I knew I had ahead of me. And honestly, it was one of the toughest weeks of my life, but I had over 60 amazing people to make it all worth while.
We were put in uncomfortable and frustrating situations, but what held us all together was knowing we didn't have to do it alone, and that we can still laugh hysterically while cramped on a school bus at 2 o'clock in the morning. And that even though we had to eat fish head soup for breakfast and sometimes our whole packs were taken away from us and we were left with nothing, that it would be okay because we all took care of each other.
That's what family is, and that's what we became right after meeting eachother. The days before Training Camp I prayed that God would help me come out of my shell. I've never been comfortable with THAT many people so fast. It usually takes me a while to stop being that quiet, awkward girl, but I didn't ever feel like that. They accepted me as I am, and for not knowing eachother that long….I already know they love me and always will.
Yes, it was just a week. Yes, I met strangers that have become my family. And yes, at times it was extremely difficult, but SO worth it.
But I honesty didn't expect to learn things about myself that I didn't even know.
I tried so hard to fight it and to push it under the rug so no one could see it; so I would look strong, but in reality I'm not.
I have hurts that I haven't dealt with.
I have unforgiveness in my heart.
I learned that I'm that person that has only seemed strong and built a wall so no one can come in. But I realized in doing that I've trapped myself and I haven't been able to break free for the past 2 and 1/2 years. Looking back I can see the effect this wall has had in my life and relationships with my friends and family. God showed me that I haven't healed completely. And I haven't let go.
But God has put the amazing Team Doulos in my life to help me grow and to help me heal.
I know that they are going to be there for me through the good and the bad next year, and we'll take care of eachother just like we did the first week we met. This team is made up of 8 amazing people God has put together for a reason. I can't even explain to you how much I love these guys…..and I barley know them. We haven't even scratched the surface with getting to know eachother, and cannot wait to see what next year has to hold for us.
I have never done something as crazy as this. And I've never been so excited! 🙂
