A Wall: To block, to hold something in, a barrier, to block out others from entering.
Walls are built to protect something that you want to hide from others. Walls are also meant to protect you from harm. People build walls within themselves to shut out the things or the people that have hurt them in the past.
I have put up so many walls growing up, to protect myself from getting hurt. I had put up the walls because what has happened to me in the past. I had been teased throughout my childhood, because I have a stuttering problem that makes my words come out like (m….olly), (su…gar), (ttttthhhhhank yyyyooou). As a child, the children around me would tease me, and make fun of me. Calling me names like stuttering Molly, but in the way I would talk, stuttering girl, or why can't you talk right. That made me throw up walls to people who I would first meet. Right off the bat I would tell them that I have a stutter so they wouldn't have a chance to make fun of me. Even then I would be guarded towards them. I have had friends that I would trust and cared about very much; I trusted them so much that I would do anything for them. A few friends would ask me for money and because I was such a great friend I would say yes. They would promise to pay me back and I would believe them. I'm still waiting for the day for them to pay me back. So I had put up a wall to trusting people, and I really don’t lend money out anymore.
Walls are put up for many reasons. Walls can also make you a person you really are not. I have thrown up walls in my past to protect myself from getting hurt. Yet walls are also meant to be broken and torn down. I have realized to hold onto the past is to have no future. My walls, over the past 4 months, have slowly been coming down.
The walls that I’m talking about are the walls of trusting people in my team and trusting that they will love me no matter what. That they have my best interest at heart and they are helping me break down my walls. I have let go of things from my past which have been holding me in and that I’ve been holding onto for a long time. I was able to forgive my ex-fiancé after 4 years and I do believe that this would not have been possible without God, my team, and this mission trip. I have realized that God has plans for me and that those plans are only possible within the ruble of the walls, for only He knows the true me that remains within. God knows the journey I need to take to have the walls completely gone. I truly believe that this trip is my journey to my true identity.
Thank you for praying for me while I’m on this mission trip and I ask that you continue to pray for my walls to continue to crumble.
