They call me princess.
Ermali was the first to say it. I don’t quite know how it started or why. Apparently it was attributed to the way I hold my head or gesture my hands or keep my posture (perhaps the remnants of a previous 14 years of ballet training). Regardless, he used it out of mockery, she used it out of affection. And that is consistent with Matilda’s soft heart for others.
Documented below are snapshots of my time spent with Matilda and Ermali. Our friendship, which developed quick enough to seem like years, only lasted less than a month. But they both will be in my heart as long as memory permits.
I first remember Matilda while she was working in the kitchen with her mom Duse and the other cook Flora. We were there for debrief and already they were serving us well. My interactions with her at this time were limited to me saying “thank you” and her responding “you’re welcome” as I handed her my dirty plate and silverware after every meal. Also, I would ask for hot water to make my coffee or tea in the morning. Even then, before knowing her name, her smile was affectionate and inviting, bringing me joy in subtlety.
Later on in the beginning of the month, Matilda trained me and others in the archery field. She taught us how to use a bow and arrow and instructed to perfect our form. And she did so with such grace and patience, gently correcting all of us beginners to the sport (others are actually quite practiced in archery, I was not…). Although she did not speak so much then. Don’t be fooled, she speaks English a lot better than she believes but at the time, the British overseer Rachel did most of the talking in that instruction.
Ermali I didn’t meet until a few days later when we Activities Leaders were re-trained on the climbing wall the day before the Peace Corps camp came through. (sidenote: his name is super difficult to pronounce and he refused to admit that I picked up the pronounciation until the night before we left). And he was the one to teach me how to belay a climber. Mind you, this was not something I volunteered for myself. I was there to climb and give others practice in belaying. But in a particular moment that I do not remember well, I no longer had the option of declining. And it did not come easily to me. I mimicked everything he did perfectly (or so I thought) and yet, he yelled at me and told me what I was doing was wrong. So I corrected myself (or so I thought) and still, he yelled at me. This went on for much too long and I wanted to quit. But he didn’t let me. Until it was someone else’s turn to practice. And that was a relief. But this well explains Ermali’s instruction to me on most all of the activities. If I failed, I was a bad student. If I succeeded, he was a great teacher. And that was that.
But it wasn’t until we all started working together that I really got to know them well. And with them, it never seemed like work. Ermali would make fun and play pranks in the same manner as a younger brother while Matilda would just sit and talk with us about life. I remember one of the first great conversations related to our taste in guys and discussing relationships. Because what else bonds girls from such different cultures and backgrounds? But then those conversations always seemed interrupted by water fights as we got in the habit of using water bottles as weapons to soak the other surrounding people (Typically started byErmali).
This was how our friendship grew. And we cherished our time with them. Some days even, they would stay late for the night activities that the camp organized. There was this one night in particular; the last night of the Outdoor Ambassador’s camp, the Peace Corps wanted to have a bonfire and dance party. For activity staff, this meant “all hands on deck,” which required both Matilda and Ermali to stay overtime. Ermal played DJ for the night as Matilda lead people in dancing via Albanian style (everyone holding hands, dancing set steps in a circle). I will always remember how Matilda taught all of us Americans the Albanian dances as Ermal kept playing the traditional and cultural music for us. Technically I was supposed to be working the emergency hose (in case the bonfire grew too large) which was stationed by the DJ table but everytime I walked back to my position, Ermal would just yell at me, “What are you doing? You want to dance, go dance!” And so I did.
Another day after work, Matilda took me, Colleen and Stephie to the beach. There we met up with Ermali and his older brother. On the way, we stopped by the supermarket and Matilda bought us all ice cream and snacks for the occasion. Once we picked up on what she was doing, we grabbed a cola for the group before she saw so that we could return the favor before she refused to let us. And there, we wasted the afternoon by the beautiful sea with the towering mountains behind us. We swam and ate and walked along the sand as they both invited us into a little bit more of their lives.
Shortly after that day, they took a group of us out dancing at this resort location called Shenjin. We rolled in, 15 people deep, thick in our English language at our American volume, and eager to crowd the dance floor. And that night was amazing. They organized rides for us, Matilda’s brother even drove some of us there, they ordered our food and drinks, and even snagged a table large enough for everyone. They set up the whole night for us and ensured that we were enjoying ourselves. And trust me, after sticking to an 8:00 pm curfew for the whole month, this one night out is what many of us needed for the simple sake of release through social activity.
One Sunday, Matilda and Ermali joined our squad as we went to the beach for worship instead of the typical church service. We held a 5K run slash walk there and then ate lunch in that beautiful setting after worshipping in God’s amazing creation. Matilda drove the necessary instruments and food to the beach for us while Ermal walked two hours from home to meet us there. And there, at the beach, we stayed for hours on end enjoying the wind and the sun until finally everyone was burnt enough to leave and walk back.
Later that day, Ermali met a small group of us in town and introduced us to the best dessert place in Lezhe. It was a rooftop restaurant and bar that had the most amazing tiramisu and hot chocolate for an affordable price. And we ate there, marveling at the view of the area as the sun was sinking into the horizon of the sea. Then after realizing we couldn’t walk back in time to make curfew and finding out that taxis are not common in Lezhe, Ermal saved the day by flagging down his brother to drive us all back to camp. We made it just in the nick of time! It also helped that there aren’t really any speed limits in Albania…
When I got sick one day with a fever and aches, Matilda rushed to my bed upon hearing the news from Colleen. She took care of me by covering me with a cold, wet sarong and doused a towel in vinegar to put on my head. She brought my meals to my bed and even stayed a while to massage my forehead so the pain would go away. The next day, she took me and my squadmate, Corey to the hospital, having her brother drive us there, and was with us until we received the necessary prescription to kill the virus. I found out then that she caught the same virus from taking care of me the night before. And when the doctor gave us stricter dietary restrictions, she cooked dinner specifically for the both of us, aiding in our recovery.
On a different day, Matilda brought me and Colleen ice cream as she came in to work midday. Just for the enjoyment of it. And in our free time, we were able to share photos of our families with each other. Again, sharing a bit more of our lives
Another random night I remember, I was in a very down mood but can’t remember why. To Ermali, I said that I was lost in my serious thoughts and so he offered me silly thoughts to lighten my spirit. Matilda offered me an apple.
And so I look back on my time with them, and I have come to realize that I mostly cherish how each of them shared their lives, who they were, with me at various times. Matilda has such a magnificent heart for people. She loves fully, without reservation, and is loyal to those closest to her. Emotionally, she is strong, as I have come to learn that Albanian women have to be in order to receive respect. She does not shy away from hard work but finds fulfillment in life. And she truly sees people as they are, yet she sees them through the most accepting lenses. Ermali is a deep thinker and balances that with a light-hearted and somewhat nature. When he cares, he cares deeply and is reserved about who he connects with. He has a mind that questions and challenges everything but by doing so, he follows his own conviction. And he will sacrifice so much for those close to him. He easily recognizes the unconditional, undeserving love of his family (this I relate to well) and I believe his family’s love is the core of his sincere heart. He has more potential in life than he sees but is in no rush to reach it. Yet, there is a lot of life yet to live, as is true for most of us.
At the end of it all, I have learned a lot from these two precious people who have only been in my life for such a limited time. I have learned what it is to have a generous spirit, to offer all that you have to others with pure intention. I have learned that love is well shown through actions, and that sometimes the smallest gesture makes the biggest impact. I have learned that culture is no excuse for selfishness and that instead of being the best of our culture, we should be the best of ourselves. I have learned that constant criticism (from Ermal) and constant compliments (from Matilda) can mix to make a beautiful concoction of growth.
The Lord brought these two into my life very purposefully. Our connection was His design and I know not why. But I pray that the blessings I received from them will multiply, circle back, and shower them in return. And that, that would bring my heart joy.
Thus I pray. I pray that the Lord continues to open their eyes and reveal His love to them. I pray that He will be faithful to reach their hearts and use their lives in amazing ways. And I am forever thankful for the way God used them to soften my own heart for others.
