Never pray “God break my heart for what breaks yours”
Don’t do it
I did it
My hearts broken
I asked God to break my heart for what breaks his the first day in Nicaragua. Why would I do this? I didn’t actually want my heart to be broken. But I said the pray and God answered.
The fist couple days in Nicaragua my team got broken, torn apart, dismantled from unity. So many tears, so many questions no answers, no comfort. My heart broke for them. I couldn’t be what they needed, I couldn’t fix what went wrong, I could just there for them and love them.
My host and I become pretty close her name was Gabi she was 21 and had 2 beautiful kids. I love her. She was amazing and full of life. My heart broke when I heard she hated her marriage. When she wanted to escape after 4 short months. My heart breaks knowing she isn’t happy but miserable. My heart breaks thinking of all the times I heard her crying, weeping for things to get better every night. My hearts broken for her.
I made best friends with four little kids; Marcos, Jose, Jorge, and Angelica. Later I found out that they were all cousins. They lived with six other kids in a cement shack and never changed clothes. Their stomachs were hungry and their clothes saturated in pee. I loved them. I loved them for their smiles and radiating joy. My heart broke when I learned they were beaten and abused. My heart broke more when I had to leave. I couldn’t say goodbye to them because they we’re in school. My heart breaks every time I think of them, knowing they’re unloved, unwanted and alone.
So now I’m in Rwanda with a broken heart. What am I suppose to do?
Rely on God
Rely on God to show me the good
See God didn’t just answer one of my prayers, but multiple. I’ve been asking to rely on God, to totally and completely rely on God. Little did i know that he would have to break my heart in order to do it. I wouldn’t take back my prayer for anything. God showed me the raw and real world and now I rely on Him more and more to mend my broken heart. He gave a piece of my heart to the kids who had never received love before. I didn’t just love them but I showed them Gods love. And his love never fails or leaves and I need to find comfort in that.
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding”
