“You’ve Changed.” My Denver roomies and I would say this every now and then. We would say it when we felt like one of us was doing something out of the norm or not responding how we thought they would. Whoever was saying it, would draw out the words and lower their tone. It was a joke and always got a smile.
At training camp and launch they talked about the desire to grow and change. The four things for a successful World Race were: the desire to grow and change, God’s presence, a positive attitude and healthy community. I really came into the World Race with no expectations. I didn’t know what to expect and had no idea of what growth or change I would see within myself. All I knew was that I needed to change how I was living my life. I was always in a hurry, always had a really long to-do list, and always tired. I was up at 5:46am and wouldn’t rest until 9pm, when it was time for bed. I couldn’t keep my school desk clean, my house clean or my car clean. I was always feeling like I wasn’t doing a good enough job but couldn’t find the time to give to all my different tasks. I was wearing myself out.
In the United States, it has been said, that we are considered wealthy (physically) but poor (spiritually). In South America I was surrounded by poverty but spiritual wealth. I had seen it before. People who physically have little but their belief in the Lord gives them everything they need for each day. It is humbling and makes me want a deeper understanding and relationship with Jesus. A few weeks ago at the hospice home a woman said to me, “I love Jesus too much. I just love him. I love him so much.” She had a huge smile, her eyes shown so bright, and her spirit so calm. That is what I want. This was the change that I wanted. So I have been thinking, “How have I changed and grown in the last nine months?”
Physically: My hair has more gray. It reminds me of Christmas tinsel for the tree! It sparkles in the sunlight. 
I feel like my face has more wrinkles and I have aged more than I would have liked. I have gained weight this year too. So physically, not the changes that I would have dreamed of! However, I have learned so much through the weight gain and the aging. I have always thought of myself as an athlete and I find a lot of identity in being an athlete. This year I am not an athlete. (You should of heard the sounds coming from my knees the other day when I tried to do one of my signature dance moves! I also still like to think that I am 25 years old.) I would not have been able to put that into words last year, but with the help of a teammate, she helped me realize how much worth I put into being in shape and being an athlete. The only thing that matters is my worth in Christ: my identity in Christ.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. “ Psalm 139: 13-14
Mentally: One thing I have grown in is holding my thoughts captive. I don’t want to be a worrier anymore. I don’t want to be anxious. I don’t want to be stressed-out. I want to be calmer. I memorized this verse when I was young, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7
But where has my faith been these last few years? I have worried about not getting married, not having children, and different things at work. (My main worries.) Paul goes on to say in Philippians, “… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
I have always been a positive/optimistic person but I want to do better with my thoughts. My thoughts turn into dreams at night. I have some crazy dreams! One of my recurring dreams is that all my teeth are falling out and I have to catch them in my hands. A little Internet research explained that these types of dreams are because of worry. I have only had this dream once this year and it was different than the usual dream. This time, only one tooth fell out and it was clear. It was a special tooth. I have gone from a mouthful of teeth to one- progress! I feel calmer. I know I trust the Lord more and that his peace is guarding my heart and mind.
Spiritually: This one is hard for me to put into words. I would love to tell you in person! It is easier for me to talk about this then put it into words on a blog. I don’t feel like this section of my blog would do my spiritual growth justice.
- I would love to tell you about grace. I have learned so much about grace. I give more grace to others and to myself.
- I would love to tell you about prayer. I have learned about listening prayer. I do it for myself and for my teammates. I would love to do it for you!
- I would love to tell you about the extent of God’s love. He loves us so much!
- I would love to tell you about what it really means to follow Christ. The freedom we have in Christ.
- I would love to tell you about fasting.
- I would love to tell you about hearing God’s voice.
- I would love to tell you about the Bethel movies.
- I would love to tell you about the books I read and discuss them. (Living Mission, Getting Naked Older, Forgotten God, When Helping Hurts, The Pursuit of Holiness, Crazy Love, Love Does, The Circle Maker, Follow Me, and many more. I just finished my 17th book-woohoo! I am almost done with the Old Testament, so any of those books as well. )
- I would love to share with you what God has done in my life.
I would love to hear about you as well! How have you grown spiritually, mentally, and physically this year? Do you have a desire to grow and change? Why/Why not? Do you live in healthy community (spouse, significant other, roommates)? Do you feel God’s presence in your life? Do you have a positive attitude about your circumstances?
Can’t wait to see you and hear about what God’s been doing in your life!
