During month 10 of my race, the Lord told me to create a video about what worship looks like on the race. At that time, I just came off of this magical time with E squad worshiping on a rooftop in Siem Riep, Cambodia. I remember having a conversation with a girl from E squad, talking about worship. I remember being so proud of our worship leaders that sang, Tabitha and Bethany and how spoiled we were. Not only do we, as a Y squad, have Bethany, Tabitha, but we also have Abel and Stephen. They each bring their God-given talent to cultivate a Holy Spirit filled worship night.
But the more I thought about what this video would be about, I struggled.
What was worship to me? I couldn’t answer that question. Worship nights were becoming a struggle. I felt frustrated with myself because I “couldn’t” worship. To me, at home, worship is through loud speakers, with songs that I knew. And then the BEST worship at launch. All these worship times were when I could shut off the outside world. I could really sing praises to the Lord and feel the Holy Spirit around me.
So going from training camp worship to an iPhone was a little bit of a struggle. I couldn’t find my hiding place. Everything was a distraction. I couldn’t shut anything off. There were some good days and some bad.
So I’m asking God why am I to make this video? And now writing this, and through making the video, I don’t know. I have been up and down in worship throughout the race. But the final night on the race, I could finally shut everything out and be with the Lord.
In His perfect timing, I could find rest.
