When I thought about applying for the race, I watched a lot of videos, read some blogs, talked to someone from Adventures in Mission, and thought a lot. I knew God was calling me on the race, but this was way out of my comfort zone. I think I was subconsciously looking for a way out. What was the one thing that would keep me from going on the Race?
For me that was preaching. Or even sharing a message in front of people. Unfortunately the guy on the phone at AIM told me that this might be what God is calling me to. He told me that as scary as it seemed, God is going to carry me through it.
As I found out on Sunday, the guy was right. God is going to carry me through it.
If I’m honest, I was hoping that I would never have to do anything of the sort, the whole race. My second team had 3 guys who went to school to become a pastor. News flash, I went to school, and came out with an Education degree. Not remotely close teaching from the Bible. They frown upon that usually in schools. I never had to worry too much on that team about having to preach. But I’m on a different team now.
We were asked on Friday afternoon if someone could prepare something. My heart dropped when I realized I didn’t have those guys to hide behind. And God was pushing me forward. God was telling me, ‘I gave you teaching for the first time in 10 months, you have your comfort. Now it’s time to push yourself. You need to stand up and preach.’
Cool God. Got the message. But that didn’t make speaking up any easier.
In reality, I tried everything I could to get out of it. I was a 2 on a scale of 10, if I wanted to stand up on Sunday. That’s FAILING. I was telling God whatever He thought, I knew I was going to fail. (Disappointment problem…. Still working on this) Trust me, I tried getting out of it. Until I opened my mouth when Anna (team leader) asked me. I couldn’t stop the words.
“Fine, I guess I’ll do it.”
My enthusiasm wasn’t there yet. Give me a break. This was the ONE thing I didn’t want to do. At all. In the entirety of the Race. And I get to month 10, out of my 11 month race, and here I am. My excitement wasn’t there yet.
Needless to say, I needed some encouragement. I turned to my 2nd most valued possession I carry, my envelopes. Filled in my envelopes are letters from family members and friends. I haven’t written about them all race, I didn’t know how to express the gratitude I have for these precious items. These envelopes are my safe haven, my encouragement, and my little piece of home. For some reason, totally a God thing, most of my letters revolved around sunshine, and being a light.
I started getting some excitement. God told me what I needed to tell someone in that church.
Because of the Holy Spirit, we are different. We are called to be a light in this dark world. Jesus tells us in John 8 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” And in Philippines 2, I see this passage as a mini checklist which then turns into, ‘Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.’
I knew I couldn’t dissect some great hidden message, or anything cool like pastors do. Let’s be realistic. My brain just isn’t wired like that. God wanted me to encourage. I wanted to encourage the small Cambodian congregation that they have an impact. They have the Holy Spirit on their side, and how powerful that can be. And to shine bright in this dark world.
I did it.
And God got me through it.
So in month 10, I can cross this off the top of the list of things I didn’t want to do. I can tell future racers, just like that guy at AIM did for me, God’s got you. You won’t keel over from fear, or ruin a whole congregation. And sometimes, God calls you to do something for other people, but so you can also hear it yourself. I needed to be reminded that my work isn’t in vain, I’m not weird, and I’m making an impact, here and back home.
So I wanted to make a little shout out to a couple people. First, to that guy in Adventures who reassured me over a year ago that God will call me to it, and carry me through it. Secondly, to my pastor back home. I have been listening to the sermons as often as I can download them, and I love it. I hear them in a different light, and it’s the best! I never want your job, but am so thankful that you followed what God called you to do! Thirdly to my former teammate. You were the one who talked me through the process of sharing while abroad. You were the one who encouraged me to push myself in this area. You were also the one that I wanted to share this time with, and I couldn’t because you aren’t on the race anymore. But I remember our walk up the hill to our hostel in Zimbabwe, and all those pointers! And lastly, to my team. Several times, they asked if they could pray for me, and asked if I needed to process. They covered me in encouragement and love. RTB Wolfpack forever!
