Men are pretty great. Really. I’ll prove it to you… let me tell you about my Dad.
His name is J.D. He is tall, bald, has a ginger beard, rides a motorcycle, is a retired Air Force bombardier, hunts, fishes, and gives the best hugs in the world. He cries easily, loves deeply and widely, without prejudiced or exception. He opens doors, pushes in chairs, gets mom flowers and cards “just because”, and he makes sure my sister and I know how we deserve to be treated. He is the leader of the household, stewarding the decisions of the family, setting examples, and going to the Lord with questions or issues.
Excuse me if I gush.
Listen, I know my Dad has his quirks, he is human, he asks the typical “dad questions” about the future, he gets frustrated, he snores really loud, etc… But what I’m saying is if you are trying to find a man that exemplifies a biblical husband/father/son/son-in-law/man, Daddy is reasonably close.
The only issue is that my Dad is of an older generation… it’s not bad that he is well into his 50s, it’s just a bummer that men of this generation don’t seem to be the biblical men they are called to be.
… at least that’s what I used to think…
So, at the end Part 1 of this blog series I stated 3 biblical ways that men can care for, fight for, and love women well: Not being harsh with them. Not loving themselves more than them. Honoring them and treating them with respect. (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33,Colossians 3:19, and 1 Peter 3:7) And in my experiences, I have been blessed enough to be on the field with men who walk in these roles as a way of life. Here are those stories:
1) Not being harsh with them.
On my original race (3rd generation K-squad) I was pretty unhealthy when it came to relationships with guys. I was still suffering from issues that came with the sexual assault years before hand. I would find myself having nightmares 5 or 6 nights a week reliving that attack, only with a male team member in place of the attacker. I was fragile, I was frightened, I was afraid to trust the men on my squad fearing they would betray me as well.
I was also unhealthy in acting in and believing the truth that God is my support, defender, and advocate. So, unwisely, I placed that role on my self, and cracked under the pressure. I snapped at men on my team over the smallest thing (a disagreement about a movie, a misunderstanding about ministry, etc.). The moment this issue really rose to the surface was in month 7/8. I had finally opened up to my team about the nightmares, and visiting us that month was our raised-up Squad-leader, Joe.
Upon hearing my story, Joe began to pour into me. He took on a lot of male wounds I projected on him and redeemed them in the most gracious ways. To combat my nightmares, Joe read Psalms 23 over me nightly. When I operated out of fear or anger and snapped at him, he let me cool down, then came back to me. He called out the issue in love, and then talked through it with me till I gained awareness of my actions and the root of them.
Never once did he become defensive, angry, fed-up, or harsh. Also, he never became passive and just ignored my behavior. He behaved like a brother who wanted to see me succeed, who knew I could continue growing with just a little direction and coaching in self-awareness. His gentleness pointed me to the Lord, and ultimately grew me as a person. Thanks Josie.
2) Not loving themselves more than them.
Currently, I am on the field with 4th generation J-squad. At the time of this story, if you included my co-leader, we had 9 men on this journey with us… and 50 women. During month 3, two teams were at a ministry site together, an all girls team and a co-ed team. My male co-leader, Andrew, was with them for the month as well.
While spending time with the teams, it came to Andrews attention that a number of the women had poor experiences in the past when it came to how they were treated by men, specifically on dates. And he wanted to do something to redeem that. So with the help of the men on the co-ed team, he reached out to the ministry host to plan a night devoted to the women, to show them the way they deserved to be treated… the way they deserved to be loved.
On an off day, a day that the men had no duties or responsibilities, a day where it would have been totally reasonable to rest, they decided to love and honor the women. They chose to put the women before them, to prefer them, and to take them all on the kind of date they deserved. A date where no expense was spared when it came to care and chivalry. Where women had doors opened for them, chairs pulled out for them, and a four course meal set before them. And it didn’t stop there. Each women was given a flower, had encouragement spoken over them, and was pampered to a level deserving of a queen.
Listen, I wan’t there, but I feel the love that the men had for the women that night in the stories, facebook posts, blogs, and other meaningful retellings of the date. And for that, Andrew, men of J-squad. I thank you.
3) Honoring them and treating them with respect.
When 4th generation C-squad launched in January 2016 it was a squad of 30 women… and 4 men (if you count the squad leaders). In what could have been a situation where the men felt alone and singled out, most of the time they decided to choose inclusion, joy, and respect. Most importantly, they chose love.
That February, C-squad was living together for all-squad-month. After only really knowing each other for a month all 34 of us were thrown together to do ministry, to celebrate birthdays, to eat, to live, to function, and… to celebrate Valentines day together. When February 14th rolled around there were no big plans, a few people made valentines for each other, and that was pretty much it… until that evening.
Luke, Ben, Coco, and Kev gathered us ladies and had us sit in chairs they had arranged into a big circle facing inwards. Once we were settled, they disappeared for a moment only to return with a handwritten note for each woman and large tubs filled with warm soapy water.
In the time following worship music played, tears were shed, and the men washed our feet. In the same way that Jesus humbled himself by washing dirt off the disciples feet, the men of C squad humbled themselves. With this simple action they preferred us, showed us respect, and showed us honor by selflessly washing 30 dusty, smelly feet. They didn’t do it to “make themselves look good” they did it to love us.
And love us they did. We had women on the squad who had been hurt by men in the past. Who had been hit, cheated on, disrespected, and treated like crap… but Luke, Ben, Coco, and Kev proved that men were, and are, capable of so much more. Men of C-squad, thank you.
If these stories show you anything, let them show you how impactful it is when you are respectful and kind. Let them show you that women deserve to be fought for and advocated for. Let them show you that there is a way to treat others, specifically women, biblically and lovingly.
Everyone, I repeat, EVERYONE is worthy. Everyone matters. And no one should be subjected to assault of any kind. We, as a church, as a community of believers, as followers of Christ, have a duty to love without reason or expectation. To show others the love that Jesus so willingly offered us at such a high cost. It is possible! It can be done…
So what are you going to do about it?
As always, love well,
Molly Fae
