LESSON 1: There is Hope for Restoration
After three days of being a tiny mountain village in the mountains of Northern Peru, to say I was sick was an understatement. I had kept nothing in for two days. I was tired–physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I had been stripped off everything that was familiar and despite the fact that God had provided so much for me, I couldn’t see it through the haze of brokenness and vomit.
We had ministry that night and I was supposed to give my testimony in Spanish (I don’t speak spanish for the record) but instead my team and I decided it would be best if I just laid down in the back of the church and tried to rest. I don’t do things like this. A good friend’s mother once lovingly described me as a work horse because when there is a job, I don’t stop. For anything.
I was angry at myself for being sick and but more so I was angry at God for bringing me on the race to start it like this. After the service, I went outside to get sick again. It was raining and as I sat on the ground with one of my squad leaders next to me, I yelled at God. In an not so eloquent way as this, I prayed with irritation and frustration that I was God’s Child and he loved me so he need to come down right then and fix me. This wasn’t fair.
Tenderly, my squad leader asked me what I was so afraid of. I didn’t know… nothing? Everything. That I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t fit this team, that I was hurting the people around me, that I couldn’t live up to what a racer should be. That night my team leader prayed for me after my yelling match with God and honestly I don’t remember what it was about but I was able to sleep that night.
The next morning we were packing up to leave, and the words Unconditional Love kept shooting across my mind. They wouldn’t go away and so I looked up those words in my bible. The verse Jeremiah 31: 1-4 spoke to me the most so I looked it up. It says:
In that day, says the Lord, “I will be the God of the all the Families of Israel, and they will be my people. This is what the Lord Says: Those who survive the coming destruction will fid blessings even in the barren Land, for I will give rest to the people of Israel.” Long ago the Lord Said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel. You will be happy and dance merrily with your tambourines.
If that’s not a love note from Jesus telling me to have hope…. I don’t know what is. It says, you’re not alone and this will end. You will be happy. And to a sick person, that was the best news I could have heard.
LESSON 2: The more you vomit, the more room for Jesus you have.
After getting home from the tiny mountain village, which took a hike, horse, and the most terrifying car ride of my life, I would love to you I was magically healed up walking around. But that didn’t happen. The day after we got home I went to the doctor and was giving antibiotics for my condition. That would have been amazing ending to this story, if I hadn’t have thrown up those medications. That night, a group took me to the hospital. After the first hospital was deemed… let’s say inappropriate… the second hospital acknowledged that I was severely dehydrated and something was clearly wrong. They admitted me and I stayed the night with two of teammates.
This also would be a super great ending to this story, but after being sent home for the second time from a doctor, I got home and continued to throw up. So. The next morning we went in search of yet another hospital and was admitted to hospital number three. Its pretty clear how I was doing physically at this point-empty in all possible ways- but my spiritual condition was actually very similar. I was so empty, done. Why hadn’t God come and saved me? What was I doing wrong? Why did I have to keep vomiting? Where was God in this?
My squad leader suggested that I talk to my Squad mentor. So laying in yet another hospital bed, hooking up to yet another IV, my squad mentor called. Its amazing what God can do with one person and the right words and the right timing. God used to my mentor to speak to my very empty soul. She told me to imagine that every time I vomit, there’s my room in my body for Jesus. If I had diarrhea, then there was more room for Jesus. My IV was living water filling my soul and filling me with Jesus. God used her words to fill me full of life that could not be expelled.
So remember, the less of you there is in you, the more room you have for the love of Jesus.
LESSON 3: Giving up control is easier when you’re surrounded by people that love you.
Before we start this lesson, there’s something you should probably know about me. I really like to have control of my life. I like to research every decision, write down all the directions before I leave, have a spare everything, just in case. I don’t even finish my tube of toothpaste before I’ve bought a second. This illness made every bit of control impossible to hold on too. All I could do was lay and bed and pray to keep down the liquid gelatin and chicken broth.
Throughout the entire time that I was sick though, Jesus put amazing people by my side. There was never a moment I was alone, never a moment that if I needed to talk that someone didn’t do their very best to get me exactly what I needed.
Actually, any time I needed anything, my team was there. If I needed medicine, my team went got money out for me, bought my medicine and brought it to the hospital. If I needed a new set of clothes, my team went home and brought me a new set of clothes. Even If I needed to use the restroom, my team would help me get out of bed, get to the restroom, and then tuck me back into bed once I was done. When I got bored, my squad leader and I had a Harry Potter marathon.
But it doesn’t end there. My team at home sent emails, made phone calls, sent out prayer chains. I had people I barely even knew praying for me in churches I’ve never been to. Across the United States, there were people taking time out of their day to send me positive vibes, Facebook messages, and kind wishes of good health. More than once did the Adventures in Mission team make it possible for me to talk to my mom while I was in the hospital.
Giving up control is still something I’m walking through but if its something you’re struggling with right now, please let me give you one piece of advice. Don’t do this alone. Spend time in prayer or mediation. Call a friend. Go to a community event or church service. Use this bright beautiful world that God has created for you.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long blog (its more like three mini-blogs in one…). I am doing so much better physically and still am processing all of the things I’m learning spiritually. Yesterday I ate a whole plate of rice for dinner!
If you have questions about this blog, or about my journey in general please comment below or shoot me an email. We’re off to Ecuador in a couple of days so I’ll try to respond as soon as possible. If this message touched your heart in any way and are able to consider giving financially to keep me on the race, please click on the support me button above and it will take you to were you need to go. By sharing this post you can also help me reach people that alone I can’t reach. So you if you know some one who could use some good words or that you think would be interested in my story, please feel free to share this post on facebook or through emails. Thank you again.
