Excitement rushes in. Then fear, joy, sadness, a few smiles mixed with tears, and I know there will be peace…one day. Re-entry is coming.
It amazes me that almost 11 months ago I was hugging my parents at the airport and saying goodbye for what felt was going to be an eternity. I was ready for it, though. I was ready for the adventure of a lifetime. I was ready to see God do amazing things and work in my life. That, He has done.
It is overwhelming to think about the people, the stories, the hardships, and the celebrations that I have experienced this year. It is even more overwhelming to think about having to tell people about it. I really feel that it would be easier if you could just get inside my brain and heart for a few minutes and understand what this past year has meant to me, deal? Okay, I know that’s not fair, but it would make my life a lot easier.
The World Race was once described as “spiritual maturity on crack.” I do find this to be true. They take you, throw you into a group of people, tell you to call the crap out of each other, and love through the entire process. Oh, and while you are going through all of your personal battles you are serving and loving others whose trials, (such as HIV, homelessness, human trafficking, abandonment issues, etc.) make you feel like you have no battles to be working through. I wouldn’t have traded any of this for the world. It opened my eyes.
Anyone that tells you 24/7 community is wonderful, is a liar. Community living, eating, breathing, just sucks sometimes. Because when people are with you 24/7 you can’t hide your crap. Eventually, you will break, but this community is there to love through ALL of the crap. I have had a lot of crap drawn out of my heart and life this year. I wouldn’t have traded this community for the world, it has made me a stronger woman of God.
I was sure that the Lord was going to call me somewhere this year, and God was going to break my heart for a country or people group that I was to spend the rest of my life with. Each month I would pray and there would be silence. No breaking of my heart. No burden beyond the month. I didn’t understand and I was frustrated that the Lord did not clearly lay His 5-year plan for my life right in front of me. I wouldn’t trade that silence for the world, it got me to listen.
I am unsure of what I will be going back to. No definite plans. No clear picture of what the next season of my life holds. Only that I am to trust fully and listen intentionally with open hands for whatever God has for me. Peace has not come in my heart yet (I haven’t finished my re-entry packet). I know it is there and waiting for me though. I know that God will give me this peace soon and I am ready to receive it.
Bring on the next 11 months…they’re gonna be good.
