“Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above water that you forget how much you have always loved to swim.”
I read this quote over and over and realize this more often than not this has been my life the last couple of months. I’ve lost sight of the point.
Why am I even here?
In Peru, life got hard. I was a workforce who built baptismal pools and shoveled dirt. All I cared about was when I was going to get Starbucks and wifi. I was tired of waking up early. I was tired of not having my own space.
I was tired of community.
I would daydream about the land of wifi and comfy beds (aka ‘Merica). I would daydream about reunions with friends and family. Home is put on a petasol and I was dreaming about it for all it was worth.
I had forgotten why not only why The Lord had called me but why I loved every min of it. I had forgotten that I loved to serve and I loved to love.
I had forgotten I had always loved to swim.
So maybe that’s all ok. The Lord puts us through these moments to remind us why we came. He reminds us that even during the hard times and hard months God has us in the perfect place for the perfect reason. Even if we don’t understand.
So how do I come back to a place of loving to swim? Right now it all seems like too much. My dirty laundry pile is growing with no signs of the washer being fixed. No where in this town has coke light. I can’t breathe because I live in the highest city in the world at 14,000 feet. I have a throat infection and I’m sick of coughing up blood.
But does any of this matter? In 3 months when I return to the land of diet coke and dryers will any of it matter? I doubt it. But you know what will matter is that I gave everything I had. That I loved time and time again and had my heart broken at the end of each month.
So here’s my prayer. I pray for the rest of my trip, I give it all I got left. When I land in the land of chipolte and bagels, I hope that I look a little different. My eyes a little sunken, thinned hair, but through it all know that I gave it everything I had. I pray I don’t lose sight again. My prayer for you is that you ask yourself:
Are you treading? Or are you swimming?
