Throughout my entire life, nothing much has been constant. Nothing much has been steadfast or sure. I’ve spent most of my nineteen years of life searching for solid ground. Searching for a place where my feet would not sink.
When I came on the race I knew I would be walking into a life of surrender. However, not until recently did I realize I would have to surrender my search. My search for control and consistency. My search for normalcy and solid ground. When the Lord asked me to give that up a few months ago I was terrified. I was afraid once I released my grasp. When I loosened my grip. When I opened my fist everything would fall apart.
And it did.
I watched the life I so carefully placed together crumble at my feet. My safe, consistent, organized life had completely and utterly been destroyed.
The plans I had for my future.
The stability and security my American life held.
The consistency I had created for myself.
The idea of a “normal” life.
Gone.
Right in front of my eyes, everything I once knew disappeared.
So I sat. For a long time I sat in my mess, mad at God for asking me to give up my constant, normal life I had so delicately crafted for myself. I cried out to Him, desperately wanting an answer.
Then one day on a boat in Lake Nicaragua I heard His still, soft, voice.
“My daughter,
Let go of what you had planned and walk blindly into a new season. My beloved, I am the only constant one. Search no more.“
Search no more.
Little did I know all those months ago when I was asked to let go of my constant, consistent life He would bring me to an island in Nicaragua. Yet, here I sit completely and utterly clueless as to what comes next in my life. However, for the first time I’m okay with that because I know my Father is relentlessly whispering “search no more.”
So I sit and wait for what comes next. Resting in the fact that my search is over, I found my constant.
