Since, I arrived in Haiti I have been wondering the Lord’s purpose for me here because since we started driving towards Haiti, I’ve been sitting in a fear of it. Just everything from the country to the people and It has been difficult to shake it. I’m not just talking a fear of the unknown but of EVERYTHING!
“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control…”
2 Timothy 1:7
So remembering this I sat and presented this fear to the Lord and then allowed myself to just rest in His presence.
Later, at night, I wrote in my journal…
10/6/12
“I feel Your peace in my fear but there is this underlying fear. I haven’t asked You to challenge me here or to direct me because I’m afraid of what You might ask me to do. I’m afraid of being in an unsafe, uncomfortable situation. I don’t know why I am so terrified for my safety. All I know is I am not trusting You in this area because again there is no guarantee of safety with You and that scares me. I’m not really sure what to do because I cannot in truth ask You to change that. I know I don’t want to just be comfortable and I don’t want to stay in this immobilizing fear but I just can’t bring myself to ask.”
The question I find myself asking is…
Then I heard the Lord speak quietly to me and this is how the conversation went:
Do you trust me?
In what?
That I have your best interest in mind
Yes I know this to be true
I could feel Him placing His hand on my shoulder and comforting me and then I prayed,
I ask that you would rebuke the hand of the enemy in this fear and help me to think clearly.
I love you sweet girl, so trust me
I want to…
Dependence….Depend on me, one step at a time
Ok I’ll try. Thank you for dealing with me papa.
As I went to bed I had my headphones in and the first song that came on was a song that just sang the words of Psalms 23 but I didn’t realize it until I heard, “I will fear no evil for You are with me.” That’s when all the words started flooding into my heart washing me of my fear and replacing it with the promises of a father who loves.
I am daily having to fall at the feet of my Father to stay in His peace and will have to continue to do so in order to really do anything. If there is something I’m thankful for right now is for the loving patience of a God who is way stronger than any faults and insecurities I have.
Dear friends,
Please pray that I would see Haiti as the Lord sees them and I would love them as He does. Haiti has life! God lives here amongst the rubble and brokenness. Haiti belongs to Him. This is what the Lord has whispered to me and I want to be a part of that with Him.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
