I'm going to be a Missionary!
WOW!
I really can't believe it! If you would have asked me two years ago if I thought I would be traveling the world as a Missionary, I would have laughed at you. Its quite unbelievable where the last two years of my life have lead me.
Of course there is a part of me that is over-the-moon about the idea of traveling and helping spread of the love of God to people all over the world. I mean, come on….it's an amazing opportunity! I have always wanted to travel and loving on people is something that comes fairly naturally to me. The knowledge that I will be fully emerged in building the Kingdom of God is such an exciting and humbling thought. The opportunity to get away from all the distractions of this life… TV, radio, politics, constantly going 100 miles an hour….. and spending time waiting and listening for God to speak and correct and heal and change, is completely exhilarating and at the same time so awesomely terrifying. I think about this trip and I honestly understand Isaiah's feelings when he had his vision of the Lord and cried out "Woe to me! I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty" (Isaiah 6:5). I mean, who am I to be chosen for such an opportunity? It's completely overwhelming! Yet frightfully compelling.
There is another part of me that is honestly scared beyond measure. I'm old enough to be quite comfortable in this life. Leaving a steady job, 401K, insurance, friends, family, working toilets, private space, air conditioning…. it's hard! It's scary! I'm old enough to realize how hard this trip is actually going to be. I'm going to see, hear, smell, and eat things that I would rather have went my whole life without encountering. I'm going to be frustrated by people and situations, and mainly myself. It's going to be hot and dirty, and discouraging at times. Worst of all, I realize that I am going to have to walk away from people that, knowing me, I am going to fall in love with. I know I will cry a lot, miss my family and friends a lot, and miss out on so much life here. I also know that God will bring me to the end of myself….and I am old enough to understand that THAT is something worth being apprehensive about. Life as I know it will never be the same.
I am completely unworthy to go on this trip, and I am not going to waste my time trying to convince you otherwise. But my worthiness is not the point. If judged by worthiness, none of the great men and women of the Bible would have been chosen for anything. All I know is that God chose me for this trip. I don't know why He did, but I do know that He did. 1 Corinthians 1 27-29 states, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things and the things that are not, to nullify the things that are, so no one may boast before Him." I am not wise by this world's standards, nor am I physically very strong, and after the past two years of my life, I truly have felt like nothing. But I find comfort in the fact that "a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise" (Psalm 51).
I rest in knowing that God chose me for this trip and He will provide and sustain me physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I also find rest in knowing that God has chosen you to go on this amazing journey with me. Some of you need to see God provide in this miraculous way just as much as I do. Some of you need to be spurred to action, some to prayer, and some to trust. I will not be making this trip on my own. Each of you will be going with me. I NEED you to go with me. I need your strength and your prayers and your encouragement and yes, your help. God has walked me through everything in my life to bring me to this point, and what AMAZES me more is that God walked you through your life and intersected our paths at just this moment for some reason that is beyond our understanding! So I challenge you, as I have been challenged! Why are you here in THIS place at THIS time reading THIS blog? What is God asking of you? How does He want to change your life, not just mine? We are the BODY of Christ. YOU my dear friend, are going to be changed just as much as I am, if you allow it.
