Being a part of the World Race means you enter into a new world in a way. We have our own culture as any group does. Our culture is very community driven. We spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with the same people. There is little to no privacy. These people know you and you get to know them too; good, bad, and ugly. At training camp, I was placed on Team Cherished, an all girls team. I was excited with the team I got and liked the ladies really well. At first it was hard breaking down all our walls and getting close to each other, and yes there were arguments and hurts feelings quite often. For the most part though, I was really happy with our team. But, another part of the World Race culture is change.
At the end of our third month, our leaders, coaches, and home office decided that some changes needed to happen within D Squad. Since we were all together in Honduras, they felt this was the best time to do initiate these changes. Long story short, every team was mixed up and some leaders and treasurers were asked to step down and others were raised up. We received our new team assignments, and then spent the next 3 to 4 days traveling from Central America to Europe. Once we landed in Europe, we were divided up again and sent to our different ministry sites.
I wasn’t happy. Actually I was quite angry. As a person who has some major trust and abandonment issues, it was hard for me to open up and be honest with Team Cherished. It was hard to learn to accept constructive input from them and allow them access to my heart. But I fought through all that and did allow them in. I trusted them, confided in them, was weak in front of them. We laughed with each other, cried with each other, hurt each other, and forgave each other. We were just reaching that next level when out of nowhere, BAM! They were stripped from my life and replaced with people I barely knew. Now I am expected to start all over and get to know these new women and then what? Get close to them, share all my personal baggage with them, learn to love and depend on them so that they too can get ripped out of my life? This is crazy! This is nuts! It makes no sense to me. Not only did I get stripped of my biggest support system, but at the same time, I was paired with my biggest challenge. This was cruelty on a whole new level. To have to face your biggest fear without your strongest allies is a harsh reality. I was angry. I was hurt. My attitude was bad. To be quite honest, I was done. I wanted to go home and give up and quit. Then I told myself to stop acting like a 4 year old.
You see, I believe in a sovereign God. He chose me for this particular team. If I don’t like what is going on, the only one I have a right to mad at is Him. And I was. As long as I had my eyes on me and my problem and how unfair I thought it was, I was mad. But slowly, I started taking my eyes off myself and focusing more on Him. I have this thing I’ve started doing when my emotions overwhelm me. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane when I feel like the world is crashing all around me. I start at the beginning and remind myself of truth. 1) I believe in God. I believe that all the evidence points towards His existence and only the fool would believe otherwise. 2) I believe the God of the Bible. He is the only God that makes any sense and has proven Himself real and true time and time again. 3) If I believe in the God of the Bible, then I have to believe what the Bible says about God. Thus, God IS love. He IS holy. He IS justice and righteousness. It’s not that He possesses these qualities, He is the very definition of these words. I have to believe the Bible when it tells me that “I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6). See, if I am going through one of the hardest places in my life….there has to be a reason. God loves me and wants the best for me. What I am going through this month is agony, but I know it is for my good.
I remember when I was a little girl, my parents told me not to get on the neighbor boy’s motorcycle. He lived by my grandma and was older and one day offered me a ride and I agreed. He plopped me up on his bike and I immediately burned my leg. I jumped off, said I changed my mind, and began to panic because I knew I was going to get in so much trouble. Well, I didn’t tell anyone and after a few days, it got infected and I couldn’t hide it any longer. Now I don’t remember much, but I remember going to the doctor with my E.T. stuffed animal and watching as they opened the SOS pads. I remember biting on E.T. arm so I wouldn’t scream as they had to scrub off the scab on my burn to allow the infection out. Believe it or not, I don’t remember the pain. I also don’t remember going back several times to have it done again and again. (Unlike my poor mother who had to sit through it all!) The point is, I had to go through that pain in order to allow all the infection out of the wound. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t fun. It definitely wasn’t nice. It was necessary however. And now, I’m all better. There is no scar and I don’t even remember the pain. Spiritually, I am going through a time where the scab is being scrubbed off so the infection can come out. God, like my poor mother, is lovingly letting me go through this agony because it is the best thing for me. In the end, I know there will be no scar left and one day, I won’t even remember the pain.
So my attitude is getting better, and I am getting more excited about my new team. If they are on my team for the rest of the Race or just a few months, I know they are here for a reason. I can not longer waste the precious time God has given me to get to know these women and what He wishes to teach me through them. Even though I will miss my old team very much, I’m happy to tell you that I am now a member of team Majestic Summit.
Love you all!
