Last night during team time I asked everyone what they wanted/needed from the race. The recurring theme (including mine) seemed to be searching for a sense of direction, and finding out what really makes us happy in life, and seeing what God wants out of our lives for us. As for figuring out what truly makes me happy, I’m not sure what that looks like anymore. My whole plan all throughout college has been to go onto grad school to get my Master’s (and maybe a PhD, depending on how I felt), and then to go on and do crop research of some sort, somewhere. It still sounds like a nice plan to me (or rather a direction, the whole idea of me having plans is cumbersome and annoying), but I’m not sure if it’s enough anymore. Not exactly sure how else to describe the thouht process going on right now, but I know I want to go and do and see. I can already tell I’m succumbing to the traveler’s curse (Baker knows what I’m talking about). But I’ve still got my passion for plants and agriculture. It’ll be interesting to see what plays out in the future.
I’m also on a search for God on this race. I knew before I left home that I didn’t really know Him all that well and that our relationship was one-sided and virtually non-existent. How much more so do I know that now! Since I’ve began the race my eyes have been opened to a God who is so, so much bigger (and cooler) than the one I learned about in church. In America we do such a good job of putting God in a nice little box, wrapping it up all neat and pretty, and then putting it up on the mantle never to be opened and eventually forgotten. If anyone asks us if we have Jesus, we take the box down, wave it around, and say “Look! See here, I’ve got Jesus! Look how much Jesus I’ve got!”, and then stow the box back away where it came from until next time.
I don’t want my God in a box. I want to talk to Him everyday. I want to share all the things I get excited about. I want to share all the things I’m stuggling with. I want to share inside jokes with God. I want Him to teach me wisdom. I want to share all the sunsets. I want to go traipsing about on an adventure exploring the countryside like I did with Lady and Angel when I was little.I want to share all my heartbreaks with Him, and I want Him to share His heartbreaks with me. I don’t just want a god, or a master. I want a Father; I want a best friend.
