The update from Training Camp is more than a bit late in coming (as are the rest of the blogs), but I figure it’s a good place to start.
Training Camp was….nuts. Insane. Hard. Awesome. Cold and wet. Life changing.
I met some AMAZING people, and had some truly awesome (literally awe-inspiring) experiences. I also got my first taste of the crazy cool God we serve.
We got to camp out in the woods the whole time we were there (yay camping!), but of course it rained for the first 5 days (erm…. yay for testing our rain gear…). I guess I was going in expecting a crash course in everything ministry and survival skills related, but we actually spent the first few days just working on ourselves – addressing all of our emotional baggage and working through emotional and spiritual healing. It was kind of a relief to realize I wasn’t the only one completely lost with only half an idea of what I was doing. Unforgiveness was a big theme during those few days, dealing with long buried hurts and the unforgiveness held against others and against yourself. While I tend to not really hold grudges against others, I finally came to acknowledge that I never forgive myself. I am constantly fearful of not measuring up, not performing as well as I should, not doing enough – just not being good enough – as a friend, a worker, and as a Christian. And it’s unhealthy – not only is it mentally straining, but physically as well, with all the anxiety, stomach churning and occasional nausia – it sucks man. Even post-training camp it is still something I struggle with.
The good news is, it’s ok. It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok to mess up. It’s ok to not be good enough – no one is. Finally, through a [tear-filled] worship session, I had my ‘Doh moment and finally began to understand what grace in its entirety really means.
The last few days we spent doing team building exercises, and from what my brother says they’re pretty much like exercises they do during basic training to see who would work the best together on each team (and not want to kill each other by month 8). This part also involved a lot of talking about “the feels” – something that was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I’m glad to have done because now I’m definitely a lot more open to talking about “the feels”, and it really does feel good to get things off your chest. Too often we leave things unspoken because we’re afraid of getting hurt, when in reality it’s leaving it unsaid that hurts you. I also realize that’s a statement much easier said than done, but that’s a good topic for a different day.
I’ll admit I was a little leery about being put on an all girls team at first, although I am so thankful for the team I have, I know God has put us together for a reason and that we are all going to grow and learn so much from each other. LET’S GO RACING BO…AHEM… GIRLS!!!
