This blog is later than my usual monthly blog – but it has honestly taken me a while to be able to verbalize what the Lord has been teaching me, even in writing. This last month and a half, the Lord has been taking me deeper into what it means to love without conditions.
For those of you who don’t know, I have lived in California the last four years, but I am originally from Idaho. I went home to visit my family before I launch on this big adventure, and like many normal human beings – I have an imperfect family. This time God revealed some things in me that have been there for a while – but there has been the need to “fix” the imperfect things in myself & those I love. I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist, and wanting to constantly improve or see improvements in others. But God has been showing me that He loves us as we are. Even right now in this moment, and even if I had cake on my face or greasy hair. Or, if I am struggling with something or am feeling down – He loves us RIGHT NOW. Not just when we are all put together on the outside, but right now, to the depths of who we are and everything that is going on inside of us.
So many of us think that we have to change in order to be loved, and so many of us try to change others before we fully love them. The truth is, Jesus loved us before we ever changed. And, it is His love that ultimately brings transformation. We cannot provide enough wisdom, guidance, or tools to “fix” ourselves or others into lasting change. We can definitely use those to fix the symptoms of what is really happening in our hearts, His love is what gets down to the root of what is in our hearts. It is HIS love that causes us to change the way we think (repent). We cannot force others to change how they think – we can only love them where they are at and pray for them. I don’t think Jesus said it lightly when He was talking about the greatest commandment:
Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ – Matthew 22:37-39 NLT
We must love first. I love looking at the life of Paul and how God has met him in places where he was at in some of the most difficult places. When Paul was Saul, a murderer and persecutor of Jesus. In Acts 9 Jesus encountered him while he was planning to murder followers of him and asked him “Why are you persecuting me?” Saul became blind and then Jesus sent a man named Ananias to go lay hands on him to heal him. Ananias was afraid. Wouldn’t it be hard for you to go and love someone who was out to murder your people? That’s the kind of love Jesus had for Saul before he ever became Paul. He encountered him and healed him before Jesus ever expected Him to change. Saul went through a radical transformation – becoming someone he once persecuted, and sharing the love of Jesus because Jesus first loved him.
Now, being the kind of person who always wants to improve or be better, it has turned into me just being super critical of myself. I have had a fear as I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me about my family, and loving them unconditionally, even if they never change, and I asked Him.. “But God, what if I never change?” I felt Him speak to me and say, “then I will still love you.” The more I know Jesus the more He doesn’t make sense. But I have to know one thing for sure, He always loves first.
Let me make one thing clear though – I don’t believe that unconditional love and acceptance means you are choosing to stay where you are at or settling for less. I believe it means fully accepting and loving who you are TODAY, because that person is simply worthy of love. We get to share that kind of love with the world.
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. – Romans 5:8 NLT
You may be wondering how this is relevant to what I am about to do in the next four months. My heart in these blogs is truly to stay present in where God has me now and invite you into what He is teaching me, while I am preparing for this adventure. I know that what the Lord is showing me now is going to be used greatly while I am on the World Race. While I am imperfect and still growing in how to love, I am so excited to spread His heart to the nations.
