Everything in this post is from what I wrote in my journal after I found out that my dad has cancer in 6 of his lymph nodes plus his lung, and that the doctors told him that if he leaves it untreated he will have a year to live and 2 years with a 25% chance of 5 years if he does get it treated. This isn’t going to be a very happy post but I felt like this was something that I needed to share.
11/19/13
I’ve been feeling numb lately. By numb I mean that I haven’t been feeling any emotions. Not happy, sad, mad or scared. And I hate it.
I don’t like feeling this way. I’m used to feeling something, even if I don’t express it outwardly. It seems like I was starting to make progress and now nothing. I’m not backsliding but I’m not moving forward either.
I don’t know if I’m feeling like this because of the news I got about my dad and everything is happening so fast that I don’t even know what I am supposed to feel?
All I know is that I can pray about it and ask God to help me feel again, because I really don’t like this monotone version of myself and I know it’s going to start affecting my relationship with God and others around me.
11/24/13
After praying for a few nights I’m starting to fell again. I’m laughing at funny things and I’m feeling grateful towards those that have been helping me lately. Not that I never was grateful, its just that I’m truly feeling it again.
Things aren’t 100% but there’s progress and I can feel God working on my heart again =)
