Over the last few years, I’ve begun to discover my love of writing. I remember my fifth grade teacher telling me that I wasn’t a good writer. That simple comment followed me throughout my life. I wrote stories in notebooks and then abandoned them because no matter my love for the art, I didn’t have the talent. One fateful day I was called into my professor’s office while attending Seminary and learned that my fifth grade teacher had been wrong. Or maybe, her evaluation spurred me on and made me better. Either way, I finally believed I truly had a talent for writing. That didn’t mean I had any clue as to how that would fit into my life.
I haven’t written too many blogs over the last couple of months on the Race. It’s become increasingly hard to put my experiences and growth into words. I’ve drawn closer to God in ways I have never experienced. My inexperience has hindered my blog writing. However, it has inspired a different kind of writing. The more time I spend with God, the more poetry I write.
I’ve been journal writing since high school. Occasionally I would get the urge to write poetry, but I never thought it was any good. I started writing more frequently in Mozambique, but it wasn’t until Thailand that I began writing poetry in earnest. The increase directly correlates with greater closeness with God.
I journaled the other day: “Writing has become a way for me to describe my own experiences. I’m never going to be able to create something out of nothing. Instead, the Holy Spirit takes my feelings and translates them into words. It’s no longer about being good at something, but an expression of my relationship with God. Yesterday I jumped off a branch into a lagoon. Today that jump describes my relationship with God.”
Beyond just expressing where I’m at with God, these poems have become a mode of delivering messages to other people. Something I wrote a few days ago will suddenly be the perfect description of the very truth God wants to speak to my squadmate. Sometimes I even write knowing it will end up being heard by everyone. What I’m discovering is not a talent, but spiritual communication.
Here’s the poem I referred to in my journal entry.
Dropping like a stone
Closer the water comes
Countdowns are over
The jump took place
Stomach clenches tighter
Eyes grow bigger
Still falling like a stone
The impact is coming
Toes in the water
All at once overhead
Seeking the sun and air
Floating to the surface
Surrounded on every side
Water like arms
Sputtering doesn’t matter
The jump took place
Fall into me
Leave the branch
I will catch you
Jump
