I wrote my last blog about how i used to think i wasn't good enough and what God thought about it.
I was honest about some struggles and it felt good to express it but the next day i felt such an intense anxiety about posting my past struggles that i asked my teammate Shyanne if she could talk for a bit and as soon as we sat down i started to ball my eyes out.
I told her i was embarrassed and it felt like i had let people down.
All those tears came out of nowhere.
I guess it was Gods way of surfacing something i was trying to hide.
I knew that my issue of always trying to meet people's expectations was in fact an issue but i never saw the need to ever bring it up. I would always just forget about it until the next time it would happen and the cycle continued
I don't know why but I've always felt like i had to meet people's expectations, especially when it comes to how i look.
When I hear, “Miranda, you're beautiful/pretty,” it feels nice to receive such compliments but afterwards it creates anxiety in me because i start to think i have to live up to their expectations of being beautiful.
I can never take a compliment as a compliment, it’s always more to me.
It’s almost like i have to work for that compliment.
Don't ask me why because I don't know.
I don't understand why I’ve thought this way for this long but what i do know is that God is changing me.
for the past month that I have been away on the world race God has been chiseling away at the dirt in my heart and buidling it up in real, authentic beauty.
AND finally for the first time, I know that I'm beautiful.
I know that I'm beautiful without having to have someone reassure it for me
I know that I'm beautiful without feeling the stress of having to live up to peoples expectations
I am simply beautiful and not just physically but as a whole, all around, inside and out.
Ahhh, the freedom to be beautiful, It's truly a beautful thing!
SOOO
I stayed home today because I'm having some stomach issues and i got out of bed, kneeled down on my pillow to pray and i prayed for my family,friends, for my sickness and out of nowhere I started to dread going on the internet to see who had commented on my blog and the fact that they would now know my struggles.
I started to cry because i was sick of worrying about meeting others expectations
I prayed this over and over “I don't meet peoples expectations I strive to meet yours Lord,” and the awesome thing is that I don't even meet his expectations he has met them for me by dying on the cross and rising up from the dead three days later.
"I don't meet people's expectations, i strive to meet Gods."
"I don't meet people's expectations, i strive to meet Gods."
"I don't meet people's expectations, i strive to meet Gods."
and a weight was lifted (no joke)
It made me realize what a heavy burden i had been carrying around with me and now that it has been lifted i understand just how heavy it was.
All those tears coming out as i prayed that prayer were because i could feel the release of the pressure.
Imagine carrying a ton of bricks on your shoulders 7 days a week 24/7 for 10 years and then a friend comes along and takes that burden for you.
The load of bricks would be engraved in your skin and you hadn't noticed how heavy it all really was and the damage it had done until you had let it all go.
That’s how i felt.
I didn't notice how much this issue impacted my life, how heavy it was, and how tight the chains were until i had finally spoke it out out of me and allowed the father to take the burden for me.
It feels good to be free!!
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Don't let satan steal your joy and speak darkness into your heart. One thing that God has taught me is to recognize his lies in my life and to dismiss them because they mean nothing and for me to believe them is absolutely insane.
If you want to truly know that you are beautiful and loved, look to Gods truth and stop dwelling on satans lies.
John 8:44
Satan was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
