I drove past his house just to see if he was home.
Man, if i could just get a glimpse of his car, my mind would be at total ease.
Ummm, wrong!
Where do I get this stuff from? Like seeing his car would do anything at all. I would be left in the same old place as before. stuck in Limbo
Miranda, go home you're wasting gas. You're going to have to put yet another twenty in. You could have saved that for your trip.
Why are you doing this to yourself? You live a good life. You’re blessed. You’re about to experience an opportunity of a life time and here you are obsessing over a guy.
CRAP, how did i get here again?
Almost a year ago I went to this college bible study at Buf. State with my friend Meghan. She told me “You have to go, Miranda. There is going to be an awesome guest speaker."
so I went.
And out of everything that was pouring out of his mouth I remember just this:
“The biggest weapon Satan uses against you is the opposite sex."
I shook my head not because I found it to be a lie but because it knew it was the truth. I just had never heard anyone say it out loud like that. As if he had stuck his big old flinger in the middle of my chest and poked me with all his might.
It hurt.. it hurt because Just a year prior to this I had let a guy come into my life and drag me away from my God.
I willingly let him.
I was 18 years old cleaning my room and I looked down and there it was the book of all books: my bible.
I never thought a book could stare so hard.
If the bible had eyes they would be piercing blue and bloodshot with tears rolling down its sides.
I lost that staring contest.
I just couldn’t take the conviction .I knew what I was doing was wrong and I knew what I was about to do was even worse. I kissed my bible and put it in the farthest darkest corner in my closet and whispered, "I'm sorry, God. I guess I won’t be using this anymore."
For the next two years I had left God in the corner of my closet.
He had built dust like some nik- nak on a shelf.
“the biggest weapon used against you is the opposite sex.”
I was agreeing with him meanwhile in the back of my head I was waiting for a text back from a guy I’ve known since high school.
A guy I was so deeply attracted to. A guy I knew would take me away from everything I loved all over again…but he always seemed to show up when the single life was getting hard and loneliness was at its worst.
No matter how things ended or what I said to end it with him… He always came back…and I suppose I let him.
That night listening to this man I had planned on hanging out with this guy. Knowing full well what he had wanted and expected from me, Sex.
But loneliness had been taking its toll and in my ignorance I figured what harm could a kiss do.
So, I called him.
He told me” I’ll be over in ten to come get you.”
I put my phone down went in to my room and rummaged through my dresser to find something decent to wear. Next thing I knew 20 minutes had gone by. I looked at my phone and missed his call.
He had gone home and refused to come back because he thought I ignored him on purpose.
Ha! No, I didn’t. This was all Gods doing.
I wrote him the next day telling him I couldn’t do this back and forth stuff anymore.It was ruining my relationship with God because i was constantly in temptation to put an end to my celibacy and that I never wanted to hear from him again.
It felt good to get rid of something that had been a constant temptation for me. It felt real good.
A breath of fresh air
But yet again a few months later there he was.
I ignore him this time.
The next night I get a text…
I ignore him again.
The following night I get another text…
I tell him “you need to move on.”
SILENCE
A few months later….
I see him at work. I haven’t thought about this guy in awhile. I’m feeling good. I’m finally over my ex and the whole situation I explained a few paragraphs up. My relationship with God is at an all time high. I’m ready to leave for my trip and I literally bump into him and am face to face with my biggest temptation.
All I could think of was: NO! Why is he here?..I can’t talk to him. I can’t talk to him.
Ughhh but He’s so gorgeous. That smile, those arms, and his tattoos. Everything I’d ever want in a guy physically is standing right there staring at me… And Of course I get stuck cashing him out…The irony!
A few days later loneliness seems to consume me and I text him.
The whole viscous cycle starts all over again.
This has been going on for two years. Why not add another year? No thanks. I don’t want to. I want our last encounter to be our final. I cannot go back and forth between God and a guy who offers nothing but a platter full of sin because it leads to a mind so consumed with junk, A heart filled with lust, and a soul deprived of true love
Let’s put an end to old habits and say goodbye to the guys who are no good for us.
We deserve more
Cheers to a new beginning, girls!
Here is a little bit of my own testimony and what I struggle with and I’m sure later on ill be able to get way more in depth with you but for now to all my lovelies:
You don’t have to settle.
One day you’ll meet a man among boys who will take your hand and lead you into righteousness instead of ripping you from it.
He’ll guide you closer to the Lord instead of leading you further from him.
You’ll meet a man more preoccupied with your heart then your body!
So, my promise to you is to always try my hardest to withstand temptation to run into the arms of a guy who refuses to have my best interest at heart. To say yes to my dreams and to stay focused on what matters at this very moment.
I've seen it all too often. A girl will leave everything behind. forget her family, her friends, her dreams, her aspirations for a guy who doesnt even come close to what she deserves. Don't let that be you. Stay focused and determined and when the time is right, that right guy will come strolling on in.
Will you Join me in protecting your heart for the right man? I hope so.
P.S. you’re beautiful no matter what anyone has said or what any guy has done to you. You’re the apple of Gods eye and will always remain that way.
