Well hello! Who am I? That took me a while to figure out so let's see how long it takes me to explain it to you. I'm gonna be really honest and I'll probably offend some people. But the truth is sometimes hard and it's even harder when it's about myself. Ohhh and bare with me… I ramble!
I'm a princess (despite what Disney tells me about my height). Jesus loves me, but I kinda suck at loving Him back. It took me a long time to start running into God's embrace instead of me hiding from it. I grew up like I think many people do; Broken. Untrusting. Angry. Sad. Insecure. But overwhelmingly I felt worthless.
My dad beat my mom and my mom drank the pain away. Do I understand everything that happened in my childhood, no. Do I expect God to show me? No. (I think He just shows me what I need when I need it.) I think I always felt like I had to earn my parents love even though they didn't necessarily demand that of me. A part of me believes we just had lack of communication (well we still do sometimes). We never had money, but we always had the things we wanted. Worldly things to make us happy, yet we weren't. We had a pool but couldn't flush the toilet cause the water got shut off. It's a bit off-putting and silly. But despite the weird things, I loved my childhood. I still love my childhood. I love my sisters and my mom and my brother (in which, before who I am now, wished my mom would have gotten an abortion) and my dad who's never really been there. I never had to show that love though. Honestly I didn't really know how to love.
And then I went to youth group when I was in middle school. (Despite how my life should of been, statistically speaking; I refused to drink: too dumb…. refused to have sex: too risky… refused to do drugs: once again too dumb… I refused to stay home or skip school: that would mean being at home and I wanted perfect grades) I didn't care too much about the whole religious thing. I mean I knew there was a God and some guy named Jesus died on a cross for me cause I'm a terrible person and all, and I knew He was there when my parents weren't and such but I didn't feel that. I felt void. I felt like going to youth group meant that I got a free home-cooked meal. I knew that I didn't have to be in my house. I knew I didn't have to listen to the family arguing and all the other things. And something weird happened, I heard about someone who loved me. ME? And I liked it and now I had a reason for why I didn't do all those "bad things" but that was about it. I loved him and didn't do "bad things" cause I didn't want to hurt him but that was it. Then he began wrecking my world.
I moved out of my mother's house, in with my dad, out of my dad's, in with a friend, out of a friend's, into my youth group leaders' house and that's where I am. My life is full of God's compassion and I don't deserve any of it. Plus it's really long to tell it all. But now…
Now, I have two families. Braddad and Kathy, Jess, Matt, Thomas, and the new baby Sam! And I have my mom, dad, Brooke, Blair, Blake and all my little nieces and nephews. And I've never felt so loved and given love so freely and real.
I'm not sure if you really found out a basic of who I am or not, but that's part of who I am…
Ohh and I love Disney, Star Wars, and some other things.
