I’m starting to realize how hard it is to just live for right now. I’m stuck in some kind of limbo. As a college student you’re always thinking to the future. I have to pass this test – to pass this class – to graduate college – to get a job – to provide for my future family – to one day retire. But when do we start living… Shouldn’t I be living differently now rather than waiting for 3 months to live completely surrendered. Doesn’t each day count? Doesn’t each moment have significance? Aren’t souls being torn away from Christ by the second?
James had the right idea. He said, “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” [4:13-17] James is one wise fellow and annoying. I do not want to hear how selfish and arrogant I am; but regardless of what I want to hear, I hear it nonetheless and ache at the repercussions of who I am. I am, as Francis Chan illustrated, an extra in God’s film and I think I’m the star. And I keep looking forward to the end of my movie instead of doing what God’s has chosen for me to do in His movie. I keep living in the future.
I started watching a show called “Smash” which follows a broadway play being developed about Marilyn Monroe. In the show, two female characters are vying for the part of Marilyn. The one who is not cast is put into the ensemble/chorus. She has a hard time singing in the chorus because her voice is stunning and she’s being shut out by all her workers. However, finally the other ensemble members confront her and tell her she is trying to hard to be the star of the show; That the chorus must all work as one, no one outshining the other. How true is this of our role with God? We are not meant to outshine our brothers and sisters; even more so we are not meant to take the glory away from God. We are to work together each day for the glory of God. How often we promote ourselves with the time we have been given, trying to outshine God and His glory. Many times we do not even realize we are doing it, just like the actress in “Smash”.
We take the time we are given preparing for some distant future of ourselves putting the moments when we live surrendered in the future. Giving way to ourselves and our ambitious wills for our futures. Not looking at what God is doing in His story right now. Not giving any conscious effort to be acting on His behalf for His kingdom.
If I don’t start living my purpose today, than who will. No one can do it for me. Only I can… Only I can start living a new life; And I say that happens today! Today: I start loving in a genuine way. Today: I start thinking of others futures before mine. Today: I put myself not just second, but third, fourth, fifth, sixth…. Today: I change. And I can only pray that it remains tomorrow and all the days to follow; for I am too weak and fickle to do any of it on my own. I don’t want my “mist” of a life to be wasted. I want to promote the eternal and live past my selfishness. I want to make every day count towards God’s kingdom not just the days starting in 3 months.
