I'm not sure how to put into words what I experienced on my first night on Bangla Rd. A road that is full of tourists in Patong, Phuket, Thailand. Tourists my age; Couples my age; Couples my parents age, my grandparents age; Single men my father's age, my grandfather's age; Families with young children.
Like any beautiful tourist location, one would find tons of different people except one thing was disturbingly different… This road is full of young women and lady boys (men dressed as women) dancing on bars advertising to have sex with anyone who would pay a good price.
I'm not angry. I'm not numb. I'm definitely not happy. But I just walk and pray. Pray and walk. The girls I'm walking with stop next to a bar. A popular mainstream American song is playing and I watch as these Thai women dance lifeless on the bar. And all of a sudden I'm overcome with how similar I was to her.
I fight my flesh not to sing along to the words of the song. I fight my flesh not to dance to the loud music pumping around me.
And once again I realize how similar I was to her. Only three years ago I would justify going into a club and dancing with my girls. It's not hurting anyone. I'm not drinking. I'm not grinding on guys. I definitely wasn't going home to have sex with anyone.
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want their attention or to feel beautiful. And I see this blatant sin and it doesn't seem so far away from the States.
Girls in clubs waiting for a guy to buy her enough drinks until she lets go of her inhibitions to what love really looks like. Guys shelling out hundreds of dollars on drinks waiting for a girl to go home with him. Both looking for companionship.
And the contrast doesn't seem so stark between the Thai women dancing on the bars waiting for a man to pay the fee to take her home and the lonely American men and women chatting at bars waiting for the green light.
Yet as I see this contrast, even to myself, I see such hope. I feel no guilt. No shame. I'm not that woman who seeks to fill her beauty by the love of a man. I know my identity in Christ's love. And I'm no more loved by God than these Thai women or sorority girls or club goers or frat guys or middle-aged divorcees or fence riding Christians or any other demographic we could possibly label someone.
We are all equally loved. So I can only expect God to do the same thing in their lives. He's chasing after us. Always has been.
The only difference between me and them is I turned around and ran back.
