I have served with love. I have served while tired. I have served willingly.
I have served out of a sense of duty.
I’m ashamed in so many ways to admit this, but I need to get it out in the open, in hopes to grow from it.
Have you noticed that all of my blogs recently have been about the work I’m doing, rather than the work God is doing in me?
The last month and a half has been rough. It’s so easy to get caught up in doing the mission…it’s more or less my job for the year. Instead of relying on God’s energy to serve, I have been relying on my own. And it's tiring.
I wanted this year to be about growing closer to God. I wanted to share the love He has for me. And instead, I’m just not feeling it. I haven’t felt further from Him in months, maybe years. I’ve been so busy serving, that I haven’t spent the time loving Him, or being loved by Him.
As the well-known saying goes, “Faith without works is dead.” (see James 2:14-26) So, uhh, God…I got a handle on this works thing so, naturally You should be showing up, right?
Well…the passage doesn’t say work, and I will give you faith. It doesn’t say work and I will give you love. As much as this year is about serving Him, and spreading His kingdom, it’s even MORE about getting closer to Him. And I haven’t done a good job of that so far. I haven’t given our relationship the time it needs to grow. I’m a Martha not a Mary (Luke 10:38-42), and I knew that within my relationships with friends at home. But now, on the mission field, I see that I treat God in the same manner. As if working for Him would make me closer. But God is not my boss (He chose to give us freedom). He is my Father. He WANTS relationship. I need more of Him so that I have the energy to keep going. So that I can love. So that I can feel loved.
As I prayed for the children in the day care we’ve been working at (these are children who are fed and educated through monthly sponsors) I realized that I will only be here for a short time. My love my works will leave there, faster than the stale air that plagues that place. I said I wanted this year to be about loving, because He loved me first. But what I failed to realize is that I need to be operating FROM His love. Instead of loving from my own heart because He loved me, I need to love through His. I want these children, and any others I meet throughout the Race to experience and know His everlasting love. Because it far exceeds any love that I could give them. But I also want to know that love myself, and I want it for you too…
So my new mantra (this is a good word, PERFECT for what I need I want to say, it means group of words capable of creating transformation) for the Race:
Even in writing this, I feel a little closer to Him. (My prayer life and Bible reading picking up doesn’t hurt either 😉 ) Thanks for letting me share.
Point of thought: God needs realationship time, with you. 50 hour work weeks of serving Him or not. Works aren't enough.
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