My Want, To Do His Will
Last night God gave me a vision through a dream. I was at church as a member of the choir. And I couldn’t find my place. I was standing in the back trying to look like I was part of the choir, but not participate. I was just looking left and right not doing anything, like I was stuck. There were places for me to fit in, but I wouldn’t go to them. Then I walk up to a singer (who seemed to be a well-known artist, Matt or something similar) and the ‘idea’ behind what He said was “Why are you doubting? Why are you trying to look like you are part of the group but don’t want to participate? Just leave.” Then I walk away and fast forward, ‘Matt’ is up for a solo and gets out of his chair. Then I go to his seat to fill in the spot. Next, Travis (the choir director) comes up and, with anger pretty much yelling, asks “Why are you even here? If you are not going to participate, then why do you stick around in the back?” I say “I can’t sing.” He says, “You don’t have to be able to sing to praise God. What are you so afraid of?” In that moment his voice becomes mute and a GIANT spider (like 2 foot wide, like a camel spider) starts to come down from the ceiling. I instinctually know it is coming after me, so I start running away and I jump (defying physics) from the top of the stage across the room and down to the start of the congregation seating. I start running on the backs of the chairs toward the back of the sanctuary and then run as fast as possible through one of the aisles. Suddenly I stop and realize that this Spider that is chasing me is nothing to fear. It can’t hurt me because I am protected by God. Sure it could physically hurt me and possibly have venom and kill my body. But it cannot hurt ME.
I have been thinking about that today. I went on a drive down to Lancaster and Chillicothe to go to a couple gun shows. I didn’t find anything to buy. But on my way from Lancaster to Chillicothe I saw a billboard for a Tattoo shop and thought it would be fun to go get my tattoo today, but I didn’t want to come back through Chillicothe. When I was leaving the Chillicothe gun show a thought popped into my head to go to Carpe Diem and get my tattoo that I was planning on getting later this summer. Ends up that the road I was taking home, ST RT 23, is the same road that Carpe Diem is on. I took Route 23 about 40 miles directly up to the Tattoo shop.
As I was driving God spoke to me about my dream. God was telling me that I need to start doing what he wants me to do. That spider was my fear about hurting or losing relationships with close friends and the fear of what others will say about me professing to be a Christian, when for so long I haven’t acted like one. God is telling me that those fears don’t matter. After getting my tattoo I was heading home and was thinking about where to go to get my antibiotic. I was going to go to Krogers in London and God said to go to the one in Grove City, I said “Why? I’ll just go to London.” and God responded “NO, go to this one.” So I got off the exit and driving down the road there was a Meijer. God said “Go to Meijer.” and I said “No, I don’t like Meijer.” He insisted, “GO to Meijer. Do what I tell you to do.” So I turned in. I went there and got what I needed and walked around a little bit. He reminded me about the Cross pendent that I wanted for the Dog Tag set I just got. I went to the Jewelry section and after looking for a few minute I found a very cheap Gold cross that matches my Dog Tags.
Finally on my way home I went 665 and after Darby dale there is the option to continue on 665 or go down Opossum Run Rd. Even though God was saying that I should go 665 or I’ll “miss it.” I still went Opossum Run just because it was what I wanted to do. I was thinking about what I was going to miss because I didn’t go 665. I was also thinking about my Tattoo and how I haven’t told anyone yet. (Still haven’t told anyone yet). God was telling me that I need to go to church in the morning. I want to go out into the woods with Steven and continue building our campsite. So God compromised and said I could go out early with Steven and then just have to quit early and go to the late service. I was thinking about what the conversation would be like with Steven, telling him that I needed to go to church. Lately whenever I say that I “need” to do something, He responds that I “want” to do it. I’ve fought back saying that I Need to do it. I may want to do it, but I still need to. Go showed me that I “need” to “want” to do it. YES, that is what it is all about. I need to want to do God’s will. I need to show that I want to do it. So when I say that we need to call it quits early. It is because I want to go to church, not because I need to go to church.
This is what God wants to work on with me. He wants me to want. There is nothing else in this world without God. He is the only purpose. To not follow that purpose is to not live.
