“I have been made perfect. I am not perfect, but in His eyes, by His Son’s blood, I am.
The name “I Am”, I take for myself. A royal robe given to me by my Father. I am all that my Father is, and all that He intends for me to be. I have no flaws, only gifts. I am not a failure, I am a Son. I have gifts to use in the service of the kingdom, not for the use of others or for self-gain. These gifts are not my identity because my identity is “I Am”. As my Father is, so am I, because of His abundant grace. His timing is perfect and I am exactly where I am at this point for a reason, for His glory, to better love and to better mirror my Father. No matter what happens or where I am or when I am, I am exactly where He wants me and I am flawless.
Identity is not a box to fill, a title to claim, a position to take, or a single path to pursue. As God is, as His son, so am I; not a single attribute, but all of them at all times.”
I wrote this in my journal two weeks ago after spending some time in listening prayer. Little did I know the impact this would have and how prophetic it would be in my spiritual life.
I’m currently in Banos, Ecuador for a couple days before we continue to Quito. These couple days have been spent relaxing, growing spiritually, and mentally preparing for the next month. One evening, a mentor and solid man of God told us a story about the Jewish “coming of age”.
When a Jewish man had sons, he had to choose one to carry on the family trade. He looked for the one who exemplified both the skill in the trade, but also the one who best exemplified the family’s honor, the one who could be trusted the most to carry on the name. Once the father had chosen, a feast would be held, in which the father would call the son to the front and announce “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.”
This phrase announced to everyone in the room and the surrounding community that this son had the full authority of the father. If the son made a promise, purchase, or any form of business, he carried the full weight and authority of the father. So when Jesus was baptized and the voice of God said “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased”, God the Son now walked with the full authority and power of God the Father.
We know from Romans 8 that we are co-heirs of Christ. When God called Jesus to the front of the feast to announce to the world that Jesus now had all authority in Heaven and on Earth, God also called each and every one of us and gave us all authority in Heaven and on Earth.
So here’s my question….Why am I not changing the world? I mean, this is what God says, why have I never experienced miraculous healing or any of Christ’s miracles? There is a vast disparity between Christ’s life and my own.
Pondering this, I asked my ministry host’s wife if I could print off some sheet music for the next night’s worship. While doing so, she shared with me the most incredible life story I had ever heard. I sat there for 2 hours listening to her story, but the most amazing part that stuck out to me was that after her husband of 40 years died, God told her to purchase a wedding dress. After telling God that she only wanted these certain things on her wedding dress, God led her to a specific Goodwill in which she found a wedding dress, in her size, with every specification she made, for $8. Shortly thereafter, God led her to her current husband, our ministry host. Mind you, there were 2 hours of stories like that.
I realized what it was….I don’t believe that God cares enough about me to do something like that. I know this is kinda a crazy and spoiled brat statement coming from a guy who God gave $13,000 to and is currently in Ecuador, but I just can’t accept that when God says “cast ALL your cares upon Him because He cares for you”, that He really means that. I don’t have the spirit of expectancy for miracles because I don’t believe that He really cares about me personally to that extent.
I suppose this will be the next area that God teaches me. Not gonna lie, this is really tough.
