I crave God’s voice. I crave to have a greater sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. And recently this craving has been causing me to fall into discouragement.
On the World Race you do a lot of things where you ask the Lord for guidance and listen to where He wants you to go. I get so excited to hear what the Lord has to say, and more times than not I don’t hear His voice.
I’ve been adamant on praying for a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, I’d even say of the trinity that’s who I’ve started to go to. I’d hear nothing and my day felt ruined.
The other night our squad did an exercise where we use our imagination and see what God does and says (I wrote a blog more in-depth about this exercise, so go check that one out then continue to read this one)
The exercise:
I closed my eyes and knew I could come out of this exercise discouraged.
Our squad mentor led us in some questions followed by some silence and this is all that went through my head.
Go to a place where you feel safe and where you feel comfortable.
Immediately, as if I didn’t even have a say in where I wanted to go, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom back in Michigan.
Note how you are feeling.
I was overwhelmed with sadness. I couldn’t even hold the tears back. Home is where I want to be and I could see it so vividly and I knew if I opened my eyes I would not be there.
God walks in the room. Which member of the Trinity is it?
I saw Jesus, I did not even have to question who it was. He was sitting on my bed while I sat on the floor. But in all honesty, I didn’t want to see Jesus, He’s the one I always see, I wanted the Holy Spirit. I tried to imagine the Holy Spirit instead of Jesus and everything went black. I could no longer see my room.
As our mentor continued asking questions, I could not even pay attention because I was too busy trying to figure out why I couldn’t see my room anymore. I decided to imagine a new place since my room was no longer an option. I was then sitting in a pool at the bottom of a waterfall, it was so peaceful and nice and I was expectant that the Holy Spirit was going to meet me here. I look over and Jesus is just hanging out on the rocks. I know it sounds ridiculous but I was annoyed.
So once again I tried to get Jesus out of the picture because I wanted to hear the Holy Spirit.
A black out again, I can no longer imagine the waterfall I was just in.
I sat there frustrated, and ended up imagining my room again and Jesus was there. And the exercise ended. I felt defeated as if I were better off never doing that again, but as I sat with it the more understanding I received.
I know the whole trinity has my back, but the relationship I have with Jesus is absolutely beautiful and I don’t think I give us enough credit. And of the trinity He is the one I have the most characteristics in common with. He’s rejoiced with me in my highs and walked along side me in my lows. And even though Jesus has given me things to say, I haven’t been listening because I’ve been seeking out the Holy Spirit’s voice.
Although its important that I seek out the Holy Spirit, I need to look forward and not miss Jesus standing right in front of me.
