I used to pride myself in the fact that I’ve never faced any major crises in my life. I was never able to sympathize with people who had loved ones die, and I used to thank God in those moments. I’ve never looked death in the eyes and truly thought about the reality of heaven and hell. Until now.
This morning, my grandma passed away. And I have no idea how to handle it or talk about it. Part of me wants to have society’s perspective: “well, at least she’s out of her pain and suffering and in a better place.”
But as a Christian, it’s really hard for me to come to grips with society’s perspective because it’s just not reality. Is she really resting in peace right now? I truly don’t know if my grandma is rejoicing with Jesus in heaven or suffering even more in hell. It’s really uncomfortable to think about, and I have been sobbing and wrestling with God all morning about this very topic.
Did God answer my 10 years of prayers for my grandma’s salvation?
Did God honor all of those times that I sat down shared the gospel with my grandma?
Did my grandma ever genuinely accept Christ into her life?
Would God really not answer all of those prayers?
Am I just supposed to go on not knowing where my grandma is right now?
These questions were eating me up this morning…and it wasn’t until I turned to scripture that I felt a little better.
“Truly, Truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you” [John 16:23]
“And this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will he hears us” [1 John 5:14]
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” [Hebrews 11:1]
“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give it to you” [John 15:16]
I wish I could say that God 100% answers all prayers. But that’s just not true. It would be so nice to have full assurance that God answers every single one of our prayers, but then what would be the point of faith? If God answered all of my prayers, then I would still be in charge of my life, not God. But reality is that God is in control of us and He chooses not to answer some prayers because He has the full view of our lives. God’s plan is so much better than anything we can ever imagine, even if it sucks in the moment. We see our lives through a narrow lens, but God can see everything: past, present, and future.
And as hard as it is to deal with hardships, we just have to trust that God knows what He’s doing. Faith is trusting God, even when you don’t know where you’re going. So, right now, I just need to trust that God was using me and my family in my grandma’s life. That me praying for her and sharing the gospel with her wasn’t a waste, but it was part of God’s divine plan for her life. That my grandma’s prayer to receive Christ was genuine, amidst my doubts and uncertainty.
But most importantly, I need to remember that wherever my grandma is right now, God is just in His decision because He is the ruler of this world.
Love you, Grandma. I’ve never met anyone who loves dogs more than you!
