At the beginning of the month, Regan and I prayed that we would somehow get 5 days off at the end of the month to travel to the islands. Well, The Lord totally answered (woohoo favor)!! These past 5 days, I had the AMAZING privilege of getting to take a 5 day vacation!! It was so so needed & so so refreshing.
Let me take you back to how I was feeling before the trip. We had had our busiest week of ministry yet doing a bunch of logistical things and leading a retreat for the women at our ministry. We were running on 5 hours of sleep per night and I was so busy that I didn’t have much time to deeply soak in the presence of The Lord. I had also spent basically all of my budget money before I even left Bangkok.
To top it all off, my nice fancy running shoes got stolen a right before we left for the beach….
So as you can imagine, I was feeling exhausted in every area of my life before the weekend–spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically.
I laid in my bed on on the hot, loud, non air conditioned, overnight train and literally had zero energy left. I felt like I didn’t even have energy to pray. I wrote this note to God:
lord
i legitimately feel so low on energy
like
no energy to even read my bible or kindle or carry on convos….
like not upset (i don’t think) about anything but like just so mentally exhausted
…and then I proceeded to put in my headphones to try to drown out my thoughts and feelings…
I woke up to a man telling me that my stop was in 1 minute…. me and my teammates stumbled off the train to the middle of nowhere Thailand beach town.
So yeah, you could say I was pretty drained at that point.
As we got of the train, I sat at this little cafe and just started frantically journaling trying to figure out why I was feeling so disconnected from The Lord.
And God totally met me where I was at!!!
He spoke to me through the song “In You I Live” by Housefires:
Silver and gold could never come close
I’d trade it all for you
’cause you are my everything
All I ever need
Is you, is you
In that moment, I realized that I don’t always live my life like God is my everything. When it comes to things of the Spirit—healing, fruits of the spirit, kingdom come—it’s so easy for me to have a wealth mindset and understand that heaven is abundant and unlimited!!
But for some reason, when it comes to money, I often have a poverty mindset.
I conserve my World Race budget money and try to eat as cheap as possible. I subconsciously find the cheapest thing on the menu at every restaurant. I make sure people pay me back ASAP when I lend them money. I clutch money so hard that I don’t leave room for God to work!
As if this song wasn’t enough confirmation, I also heard the Lord say Isaiah 55, (which I’ve never read before, so I know that it was God and not my own thoughts)
Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. [Isaiah 55:1-2]
If Jesus and I were out to eat, he wouldn’t say, “oh, you need to find the cheapest thing on the menu.” NO that’s absurd!
If Jesus and I were out to eat, He would say “get whatever you want, my beloved!”
Like wow!! The Father is so abundant and he totally provides for his children!! He has raised us up as kings and queens, heirs of the throne of Jesus Christ!! In Christ, we are made royalty. And kings and queens don’t worry about money.
So this weekend, I surrendered money completely to The Lord! I went into vacation with an abundant mindset that God WILL provide for me and I don’t need to fear running out of money!
And wow, it was SO SO FREEING!!!
For the first time in my life, I didn’t guilt myself into getting the cheapest thing on the menu. I didn’t think about how much money I had spent, and I didn’t stress about my bank account because I knew that God would take care of me! And he totally did!! I didn’t run out of money once! Like wow my mindset is changed for the rest of my life!!!
(((**DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying that everyone needs to stop thinking about money. I’m just saying that for me personally, a huge step to freedom from love of money was to let go of my hand clutched around money and surrender it to The Lord!! A huge step for me was shifting from a poverty mindset to a wealth mindset. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to be wasteful with my money, it just means that I’m going to walk in the Spirit in ALL THINGS, including spending money! Maybe for you, a step to freedom is spending less money, praying before you buy things, or give more to the people around you.)))
In summary, it was truly an amazing weekend of fellowship, friends, & fun!! I got to explore a national park, lay on the beach, catch up with other squadmates, and just enjoy the presence of The Lord without feeling the need to “do” anything! I could simply just rest in God’s presence and receive His love and grace. Because even on things as fun as the World Race, you need a vacation every once and a while!
Here are some pix from beach weekend 😀
