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re·al·i·ty
noun
noun: reality

– a thing that exists in fact, having previously only existed in one’s mind

 

    If you asked me what my reality at this exact time and date was last year i would of told you about school and my classes and then i would of very excitedly told you about how i got accepted into the world race and in October of 2016 i would be leaving for 3 countries(which now is 4 countries) and would be traveling, seeing the world, ministering to others about the lord, doing and eating crazy things and making friends who would soon become family. I would of told you about how excited i was to leave, and make new friends, and be independent and how it would be really easy to leave.

                                          …Fast forward 1 year …

 

       16 days till launch…16 days !?!? What used to be my day dreams are becoming my reality. In a short 16 days i will be flying out of the airport with a one way ticket in hand and i will be moving across the world…I will be living in a whole different country, how crazy and spontaneous and adventurous is that? but it hasnt been as easy as i always dreamed it would be. 

 The Reality is that im a mess. My heart is breaking. My emotions look like my bedroom floor; So much stuff lying around, dirty laundry mixed with clean. Its so messy you cant even see that there is beautiful hardwood flooring underneath. Some days i just cry, i dont even know exactly why im crying i just am. and other days i get so angry for no reason…the reality is that in 16 days i say goodbye to all that i know and venture out by myself. Im the baby bird and im taking the final step out of the nest. Im growing up, i have to grow up… 

  “Im not ready…I dont want to leave… I dont want responsibility, or to be a grown up yet…not yet…cant i have one more month? couldn’t i of just been called to going to a local bible collage or even just university like all my friends? “

God has equipped me. hes strengthen me, hes given me courage. I cant do this on my own, but through him i can do anything. I may not feel ready, and i may be breaking my heart into thousands of pieces by leaving and saying goodbye. But i have faith that my heart will be put back together stronger, and more vibrantly than ever before. He knew my heart and my longing and desire to roam the nations, and he had a plan for me all along. Its been a journey. but he continues to show me peace and guidance…He has made me ready, not because im all the sudden perfect or no longer have feelings but because when i walk in his light, and follow his calling, i strength to get through each day and to look forward to the adventure and experiences ahead, and i will get to be the light to others and in that i am ready.

Isaiah 40:29-31: 

 

29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.