I am 27 years old TODAY.
I must admit that the last couple years, I have been fighting against the number. (Though a friend ALMOST had me convinced I was already 27 on New Years…lol)
At least, that’s what I would tell people. I would complain about how old I am. Or I would get quickly offended or sensitive about the age, the number. Then teenagers remind me that I am now a whole decade older than them….gross. Or I would see a girl I use to babysit is now graduated?? Or someone mentions the 10-year class reunion and I’m like how? Just how has time flown? I often feel like it was yesterday when I graduated high school. Then the next thought is I am so glad I’m not that same girl.
But part of me is that same girl. Therein lies the problem.
Because that high school girl had great expectations of what college and the 20s would look like. For example, high school Michelle thought she would graduate after four years from the university. High school Michelle expected to get married after college. Expected to have a good paying job, a house…you know all the things. High school Michelle expected to have her own life with her own family by NOW.
Even as I write this, I continue to grieve through these unmet expectations. Yes, grieve. (Please listen to Weep with me from Rend Collective) Instead of lamenting over my age, I needed to be honest to myself. It is not the age 27 that has me scared or feeling old. It is the expectations that I had put on myself and on God.
I was disappointed with God.
But I have been learning that God doesn’t promise the cookie cutter lives. Everyone has a different story. (Because life hasn’t gone as expected, I get to go on this mission!)
And God the Father loves to give us good things. In Ephesians, Paul reminds us that the Father has given us EVERY spiritual blessing. In Psalms 34, it says, “those who passionately pursue the Lord will never lack any good thing.” I have to remind myself that my Heavenly Father is not withholding the gift of marriage from me. No, He is giving me this gift of singleness to fulfill my one True Desire. Jesus! Psalm 145:16 says, “When you open your generous hand, it’s full of blessings, satisfying the longings of every living thing.”
Marriage or having my own family will never bring complete satisfaction. True satisfaction comes by abiding in Christ and placing my hope in Him. A relationship with Jesus is eternal. When Jesus is front and center of my life, all other wants and desires are secure in His hands. I can keep hoping in Him who wants me to prosper for His Kingdom’s sake.
I can serve God with no restrictions. I can pursue an undistracted devotion to my Maker and Master. When I am undivided in my devotion, I am overflowing with gratefulness.
It is a process to develop this overwhelming desire to glorify Him with all that I am. I’m not there yet but I pray that God keeps giving me this desire. I keep praying for His will and His blessings; but above all I pray that I keep looking to Him the Giver of those blessings and NOT just the blessings.
My friends, I pray that God will fill you with this overwhelming desire to live boldly for the gospel. No matter where you are, what you grieve or who you were – God loves you and wants to satisfy your deepest longing. Friends, Jesus is the only way, truth and life.
Love you all. And thanks for all the birthday wishes!
