and 9 more days to go!
It's May 31, 2012 and I'm swinging our porch swing in the middle of the afternoon on our balcony in Manila, Philippines looking out at the rain and feeling the cool breeze and…. it’s finally hitting me.
This season is coming to an end in 9 days. Soon I’ll be saying goodbye to the last 11 months and walking into a new season on American soil. So surreal.
I’ve been overwhelmed with so many thoughts and emotions that it’s been difficult for me to process it all and even write a blog. Believe it or not, I’ve tried blogging countless times this month and now have over 10 pages typed out on a word document of scattered thoughts that I can’t sort through anymore. I wish I could have the crumble it up and toss it in the trash effect – but I can’t. I wish I could summarize this last year and share it with you all in a lil pretty wrapped bundle tied with a ribbon… but I can’t do that either.
I’ve been humbled to tears as I reflect on all the things the Lord has shown me. Most of all- the way He has revealed his Son to me in such a new and real way.
I can finally say I’m ready to go home! This has been the best and hardest year of my life filled with so many surprises along the way. I wouldn’t trade these last 11 months for anything. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years on this thing with what I’ve learned and experienced. It’s hard to explain, but I’m sure I have grey hair hidden behind all the blonde.
As I’m envisioning saying goodbye to everyone I love from this year and then hours later screaming, jumping, and crying into my families arms who I’ve MISSED and love so dearly..
yet all I can do is cry out to the Lord right now- and say,
“Take me HOME Jesus!
To our SECRET PLACE…the place where I BELONG.
There is nothing I want more than to be in your presence!
That is HOME to me. You are my HOME.
And that is where I want to go.. “
Now don't get me wrong. I miss my family so much it hurts sometimes.. and I've been craving a snuggle sesh with my lil grace bee and levi, and raiding the pantry closet with deegie until JB catches us with the door closed, and Sunday chats with momma in her big comfy bed, and drinking mate with Baba swinging on her porch swing, and running in the park with my Papa bEar and praying for eachother…but I can honestly say I’m craving JESUS so much more!
I know that may sound so cheesy & christianesey..(I’m kinda embarrassed I even put those 2 words together)…I get it.. but this year I’ve been brought to a whole new level of dependency and intimacy with the Lord. Where I’ve been stripped of everything and all I have is HIM to cling to. I’ve finally realized- that’s the only place I want to be. Where He is the only one I’m holding on to sooo tightly because He’s the only person or thing that can’t be taken away from me. He is my forever treasure and I am HIS.
So it’s in that secret place with Him- where it’s just me and Him. Yes, that is what I want more than anything.. that is what the depths of my soul cries out this rainy afternoon saying, “TAKE ME HOME, JESUS…”
My Home. That is what the Lord has become this year for me.
my home sweet home.
We laugh about how our home on the race is wherever our pack is. I’ve traveled on a weekly basis now- hopping to a new place for the last 11 months, dragging my bag and pillow everywhere I go. I can’t remember what being settled in one place feels like anymore, and at times wondered where is my home? But through it all Jesus has become
my unchanging
my constant
my comfort
my home.
Every place I go I have to find a spot- sometimes it's on a rooftop, or next to a tree, or even under my cacooon sheet… but it's in those hide out places and quiet times with Him where I can take a deep breath and say, “Ahhhh.. finally, I’m at home.."
As I’m smiling I can’t help but write- He really is my everything & my LIFE. What a sweet place to be in. I can go on and on.
I’m humbled to think HE chose me. He has opened my eyes to know Him and LOVE Him-intimately and personally. And He’s taking me deeper and deeper.. from glory to glory.. higher and higher.. every.single.day. Life ONLY gets sweeter and sweeter.
I don’t know exactly what “next” looks like but I know my Father is leading me to higher places with Him! I have peace and excitement because I TRUST HIM. When I give Him complete control- He really knows how to makes my life fun and adventurous… I never know what I’m gonna get with Him. So, I will stay OPEN and say God I will drop everything and follow you.
He keeps telling me, “Michelle, LOSE YOUR LIFE and you will find it! Keep your eyes on ME. Search Me and know ME- and I will you show you unsearchable and unexplainable things….”
This year has been really incredible-so I can’t even imagine what this next season is going to look like- because it’s just gonna keep getting better and better!!
Attention: Blog FOLLOWERS!
My goal for this last week is to try to write out a new blog every day. I’m not making any promises BUT I want share some of these things the Lord has been stirring in my spirit!
So get readyyyy for me to blog the most I’ve ever blogged!
I can’t wait to share about the ministry that we’ve been with this month. It’s blown me AWAY!
PS- this is how we travel these days… I forget what driving a car is like!?
Here you have the classic JEEPNEY.
or you can chose the TRIK and believe it or not it fits up to 6-8 people.
