“Then Gideon said to God, “If you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said, behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone, and it is dry on all the ground, then I shall know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said.” And it was so. When he rose early next morning and squeezed the fleece, he wrung enough dew from the fleece to fill a bowl with water. Then Gideon said to God, “Let not your anger burn against me; let me speak just once more. Please let me test just once more with the fleece. Please let it be dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground let there be dew.” And God did so that night; and it was dry on the fleece only, and on all the ground there was dew.” Judges 6:36-40
I wish that I could sit here and tell everyone that the process of deciding to go on the World Race was an easy one. That I felt the calling to go on the Race and immediately said yes to that calling. I did not. I am ashamed to admit that I felt a very clear calling from the Lord and STILL questioned and argued and tested God. For months I have been praying for Asia, that God would raise up laborers to bring the Gospel to countries that have never heard. He responded to my prayer with a call to go…”Not me, God. When I prayed that prayer, I didn’t mean send me. I meant send someone who was more equipped than me, who knows all the answers to all the hard questions, someone less broken. Please send someone else. I can’t.”… I was not prepared to be an answer to my own prayer. My plans were to graduate college, get a job, pay off my student loans, and be comfortable serving the Lord right here in Chattanooga. I was not ready to give up all of that to live out of a backpack for a year, away from everything and everyone I have ever known, even for a place that I love so dearly. For the next few weeks, I wrestled and fought with God about whether this was really what He wanted for me, and then finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt to just apply to the World Race.
After being accepted, I was given a two week deadline to commit to the Race with an $150 deposit. During the first week of this time,as I tried to talk God out of His decision, the more clearly and loudly I heard Him telling me that the Race was His plan for me. So the second week rolls around and I still have yet to make a decision and began to feel a lot of anxiety and fear about everything and everyone I would be leaving behind and AGAIN I begged God to send someone else. Finally, with two days remaining until my decision had to be made, I, like Gideon, laid my own fleece before the Lord. I told God that if He would somehow, miraculously, provide the deposit I needed then I would know I was supposed to go on the World Race and that He would take care of me. I knew, almost immediately, after praying that prayer that it was ridiculous and just an overflow of my lack of trust that is rooted deep in my heart. That night, I confessed my fears and distrust to the Lord and asked forgiveness for my faithless request. I decided, right then, that I was going on the World Race and that I would pay my deposit the next morning. However, I was woken up that morning to a text saying, “My husband and I would like to pay your deposit”. God is so good. He answered that silly, ridiculous prayer that I prayed out of fear, even though He didn’t have to. God is so much bigger than my doubts and fears, and yet, just because He loves me and cares for me, decided to bless me and answer my crazy prayer.
Thank you, Lord, for being patient with me and for being faithful, even when I am not. Forgive my unbelief.
All of that being said, I am leaving for the World Race in September. I am traveling to eleven different countries in Asia to share God’s love with the people I encounter there. I’m not too sure what the future will look like. I don’t know what I will be doing on a day-to-day basis, or if all my support will come in, or what I will do when I get back from the Race. And for the first time in a long time, I’m okay with not knowing. I know that, no matter what happens, God will take care of me and I will be okay. I am choosing to trust Him.
