Here I am.
Here is never where I thought I’d be.
Let me back up a bit.. About five years ago, I am eighteen and starting my freshman year at the University of Alabama in Huntsville, with a head full of expectations and a plan for what the next five years of my life will look like. It goes a little like this: I will graduate in four years from UAH with my nursing degree. Throw as many parties and greek life in those four years as possible, to pass the time. After graduation, I will move to Nashville and get a job as a trauma or surgical nurse at a major hospital.
Fast-forward to senior year:
I am twenty-two and a fifth year senior. I did not graduate in four years from UAH, in fact, I graduated from UTChattanooga, where I transferred sophomore year. I did not graduate with a nursing degree, turns out I am not passionate, at all, about how the human body works or how to fix it, instead I’d rather spend all my days studying how a person’s mind works and why they act/think like they do. I didn’t pledge a sorority at UTC and I haven’t been to a party in years. During my time in college, the Lord showed up in my life and drew me to Him and, suddenly, there was more to life than parties or even a fancy career. I decide that when I graduate I am going on the World Race, a one year mission trip to eleven different countries, so, after graduation, instead of getting a job with my degree, I end up living at home with my parents, raising support, and working at McDonald’s for a summer.
My expectations of this summer were as follows: it will be terrible and miserable because I am leaving my wonderful community in Chattanooga and I will be stuck in my tiny hometown with nothing to do but wait for September. Support raising will be awful; I will do it, but I won’t be happy about it
I have never been so wrong. Sure this summer has had it’s moments of loneliness, but all in all I’ve had a really great community of people, some right here at home and others by long-distance. Yes, throughout the past few months some of my very close friendships have become distant or damaged, and that has been extremely hard and disappointing, but, even still, the Lord is faithful and continues to bless me with MANY unexpected friendships, friends who have walked very closely with me on this World Race journey. Support raising has been a blast, I have truly been blessed by every conversation I have had and continually am blown away and challenged by others’ generosity and trust in the Lord. The Lord has worked in my life in radical ways this summer and it’s been really sweet.
So…
Here I am.
Here is never where I thought I’d be.
Just hours until I depart on the World Race. No longer months, days, or weeks. But hours. I never expected this or even planned for it, and yet here I am. Leaving home in the morning and not returning for an entire year.
I have dreaded today, in particular, for quite some time. When I thought about today, I pictured myself scrambling around trying to frantically pack all the things I forgot to throw in the bag, panicking about my pack weighing too much, and crying all the while, because I wouldn’t see all the people I loved and cared about for an entire year.
However, what I feel is PEACE. Not to say I don’t also feel fear, uncertainty, excitement, anticipation, and sadness. But in despite of all those mixed emotions, I mostly feel peace. Is it possible to feel great joy and peace at the knowledge of pleasing the Father and also a deep sadness and mourning of the sacrifice that requires? I believe it is.
Plenty of people in the Bible must have felt this way, as they made sacrifices that landed them right in the middle of God’s will.
As far as my expectations for these next 11 months:
-I expect to have hard days.
-I expect some days will not be glamorous or blog-worthy.
-I expect to miss my family, friends, and things from home.
-I expect to love my squadmates like they are my own family.
-I expect that God will show up.
-I expect that He will wreck my life for the ordinary.
-And I expect to be surprised.
You see, I am learning something about expectations. Expectations are a thief of joy. When you set expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I have lived my entire life a slave to expectations, and I am, greatly, looking forward to a year of breaking those chains and living in the freedom of Christ. I know that the Lord goes before me and knows His will for my life, and that’s good enough for me!
