Okay, so I felt like I needed to be honest…this is a blog right?
For some reason I have been a mess lately. The race is
taking a toll. I am exhausted. The reason could be a number of things – the 20
hour bus rides, the sickness, the
emotions of saying goodbye every month, or that it is just month 7 and my life is a little crazy.
One thing that each of us are struggling with is not getting
adequate time alone to either spend with God or just process what exactly is
going on in our lives at the current time. I am missing my family, my friends, my job – I’m
missing the life that I left behind. It was so good. Everything was so great about
my life. But, I decided to give it all up and go on this 11 month missions
trip. I’ve been asking myself “was
it worth it?” If the only thing that I walked away from this trip having
learned – was to hear God’s voice and to be obedient to it – would it be worth
it? There is no doubt in my mind that God called me to this trip and I have had
to remind myself of that lately.
I have just been in this funk. I’m starting to think about
what is next after the race and feeling like I need to have this two month plan
of figuring out my next move. All big stuff – but is it worth stressing about –
or should I trust that God already knows my next move and has a plan?
I write this as a prayer request. Please continue to lift
myself and whole team up in prayer. We are all feeling very similar and need
prayer and encouragement. We are lacking the excitement and drive that we may
have had in month 2 or 3. We hate feeling this way – we want to end the race
well.
With all that being said what is so very interesting of all of this is that even in a little funk God still provides moments that confirm exactly why I’m here. This last week we have been organizing an outdoor crusade. From 4-6pm every night one of us speaks while the rest of us play with over 100 African children. They are so precious. Let me introduce you to a girl named Susana. She is eight years old. She and I became good friends over the week – not talking just holding hands and playing. When I was saying goodbye she whispered in my ear a ton of Swahilli – I of course had no idea what she was saying – so I went to get a translator. The translator then said, “Susana says that she is going to miss you and wonders if she can go with you?” I got down on my knees and had to tell her no. She put up her hands to cover her eyes. Love is enough. I have to trust in that. Please pray that this little girl continue to trust in God as she grows older.
I love you all! Thanks for your prayers!
– Michelle
Michelle
