So, if you know me at all – you know that I am pretty out there when it comes to crying. It just comes natural to me. Not as much this month. Here I am in beautiful Thailand – working in the bars trying to bring HOPE to people who are so lost and so broken. I have been here 3 weeks now and have felt numb. Numb to the things that I was seeing and experiencing. I have been sick for the first time on the race. It was just a head cold but it allowed me to have some down time so I went to Starbucks. It is so easy jump on the computer and distract yourself. For some reason I just sat there and my brain started to think. Then my heart started to break.
I looked to my left to the bookstore across the way at the bookshelf titled “Bestsellers.” I was shocked. It was then that reality hit me. Titles such as “Sold at 13” and “How to Make a Good Transaction” made me want to throw up. The women here truly believe that there is no other option to provide for themselves and their families. The women are robots. They do what they do because they have been programmed to believe that there is no other option – which is not true. 
This began the beautiful meltdown. I thought about the women spending the night with a different guy every night, not seeing their children who live over 12 hours away no more than once every two years, and the broken men (which is worthy of it’s own blog.) As you walk around this area of Phuket – you see mostly Western men with Thai women. Yes, they come here for the sex tourism but I do believe that they yearn for companionship even more. You see them out to dinner with their dates, not talking but just sitting. It’s rather akward to watch but so deeply sad. These men are paying for sometone to just sit with and be seen with. The women just sit there looking anywhere but across the table at their date. There is no interaction but there is a desire from the men to have someone just be with them. Makes you wonder if they have ever felt loved or cared for? I sat there and just cried. I let it all out and it felt so good to not feel numb anymore. I felt alive because I was hurting for them.
I thank God that HE allowed me to truly see and feel what HE feels for HIS people. It is so easy to walk through this place numb to what is actually happening around you. Lord, thank you for this beautiful meltdown.
