What am I here for?

My team has spent the this month in Chinandega, Nicaragua working with a ministry called “Vision Nicaragua”. We have spent Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons going into different neighborhoods with a pastor to talk to people about Jesus. On the other days we spend the mornings working on the property and then in the afternoons we go to a nearby neighborhood called “Bethel”, where vision Nicaragua has built a church, school, and many houses. On our second week we spent Monday, Wednesday, and Friday working at an orphanage helping plant coconut trees, building a fence, painting and doing some construction work. We have also been able to help out a few mornings in the clinic here on the property of Vision Nicaragua.

This month I have been able to learn even more spanish, and my love for the language and the people of Nicaragua only continues to grow. I really would love to return to this country someday in the future.

I have been learning so much this month on the Race. It is easy to place a great deal of pressure and expectation on what these eleven months of my life should like. Before I left on the World Race I pictured myself sharing the gospel with people on the street, feeding widows or orphans, praying for the sick, seeing lives changing right in front of my eyes.

While I have experienced some of these things during our months of ministry… I have also spent some days painting a bathroom, pulling weeds, digging a trench, or playing soccer with a group of kids that don’t “need” me to be there. So why do I have to fight through these types of days sometime?. Why do the thoughts creep in saying “Couldn’t someone else paint this bathroom stall”, “I could be using my time so much more effectively.” These thoughts seem harsh… but honestly they happen.

So this is what I have come to realize… it is not these actual activities that start to wear on me. I genuinely enjoyed planting coconut trees and painting a bathroom can be a nice, welcomed escape from the Nicaraguan heat.

What started to wear on me was these thoughts that entered my mind. They attacked the value of my work. They called into question my effectiveness and ultimately my entire journey of these eleven months.

Now I have begun to realize the problem… I still sometimes believe that I will be more loved, valuable and useful to God when I am doing things that I feel like actually “matter” or have eternal value. I want to be able to have something incredible to show for myself at the end of the day… such as someone coming to know Jesus Christ as their savior or an orphan being clothed and fed.

Obviously these are NOT bad desires in any way. I know that the Lord is working in these ways and that these things are happening all over the world. I also know that I have experienced moments like this where I could see God working in someones heart in the most amazing ways and that more of these things will happen over this next year.

But what about the days when all I have to show is a row of coconut trees, a freshly painted bathroom stall, or a watered and weed free garden of tomato plants. How do I face those thoughts that begin to creep in, realizing that not every moment on the World Race will be spent doing those things that could be deemed as more valuable or effective?

So this month I am learning, growing in and being reminded of the FACT that ultimately I am loved, valued, and cherished no matter what I bring to the table at the end of the day. I can rest assured every day that God’s love is steadfast and boundless. I can enjoy the days that I spend praying over people for healing, as well as the days that I spend running through the rain with a group of kids that may or may not even know my name. There is no need to try and measure the effectiveness or value of each day. I am not here this year to earn love from my Father. I am free to love Him back with the simple love of a daughter. As a result, His love will be poured out to the people that He has planned for me to encounter on this Journey.

Matthew 22:37
“Teacher, which is the greatest command in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love The Lord your God with all your heart soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment”.

1 John 4:19
“We love because He first loved us.”