The new
year. It almost came and went. I was sick and practically in a drug/medical
induced coma. And to enter back into
work/normal life this past week was hard. “Hard” hardly seems the right word.
I knew
somehow on Sunday that I needed to not lose the “monument” that was New
Years. I had barely recognized it. But there’s something in reflecting on the
old year and looking into the new year that gives structure …. or a bit of formatting. At least for me. A framework around these small days – that
add up into our lives.
For
whatever reasons, I knew I needed to specifically make time in my life, just
this week at the start of the year, to let the Lord speak. A fast
was in order. But immediately I also
knew it wouldn’t just be a regular fast. Let’s be honest – right now meals in my life consist of grilled cheeses
and cereal. The budget just doesn’t
allow for much. Cutting them for a time
of prayer didn’t seem to be that much of a sacrifice. Ha. And
to be real – I knew that when it came down to it, there was something else in
my life that consumed much more of me
and my time.
I always
scoffed at the fasting of “technology.” Really people? You can’t NOT check email for 7 days?
I officially
retract every opinion and quick judgment I EVER made. 🙂
No email –
no Facebook – no Google Reader – no constant stream of WR blog subscriptions to
keep up with (I love you people, but you blog SOOOO much!) All of it gone for one week – with the added
element of prayer in its place.
I wish I could
tell you that it’s been an enlightening adventure …. That days without email
and the distraction of social media has simplified my life – that I’ve
experienced peace and serenity in
deeper and newer ways – that I’ve come out of with the vow to use snail mail
and call old friends.
Mainly I miss
email. And feel really behind. And just want to update my Facebook status.
We are
wired. It is, I believe, a very REAL
part of who we are. Good? Bad? Neither. It is the way it is. I will say though that it’s been just as hard,
if not harder, as a regular fast. And in
the same way – the Lord HAS spoken.
The “Ah-Ha”
moment came when my fingers were literally twitching to tap my Gmail
iPhone icon. After the recent purchase
of the (amazing, life changing, no-I’m-not-an-Apple-lover-I-just-think-it’s-a-great-phone)
device, the world wide web is LITERALLY at my fingertips. Anytime and anywhere. And in that moment, I heard my own voice
protest rather pathetically in the back of my head …
“but it’s
my go-to.”
It took
about 2.5 to realize what I had just said. It was my go-to. I’m sitting there, nothing to do. And the normal thing would be to grab my
laptop and check email. Or click to
Facebook and check my Newsfeed. Or go
surf the WR blogs. It’s just what I do. It’s just what we do.
I know this
is not a new or brilliant revelation – I think we all know very well just how much time we waste on these things …. but it
just hit me pretty hard. To realize that
I have a “go-to.” And it’s not in the
least practical or productive or uplifting or meaningful. It’s just filler. And it really
is my go-to.
How many
hours do we forfeit in our boredom? All the
while claiming we need direction and wisdom from the Lord? And proclaiming that we hardly have any time
to spare in our busy, stressful lives? I’ll
speak for myself here, but I’ve seen quite clearly that the 2 minutes here and
the 10 minutes there really add up. Positively. Or negatively.
Granted, I don’t
think I can substitute ALL of my email time for prayer time in a normal life ….
But moving from this fasting week, it’s only a small hope that I can remember
this experience. That perhaps a bit of
that mindless filler time would more and more regularly be committed to prayer
and seeking His presence.
(luckily,
that is not a screenshot of my gmail account. upon first checking today,
i’m thankful to say it was only at 118. probably a record for me, but
much better than 994.)
