The honeymoon phase of the race is dwindling down. It was bound to happen. I mean, the shininess wears off of everything new eventually, right?! Well, I’m starting to experience that here in the start of month 4.
And it’s hard. It’s hard when the new and exciting is fading and you’re left standing and finally see what the race is about. And part of it is about living uncomfortably. Living without running water and showers month after month. Living without the constant, or even a reliable means to communicate with friends and family back home. Living out of a backpack, with the same 5 outfits that have to work for every and any occasion. Living in a house with no furniture and having ankles and legs fall asleep from trying to sit criss-cross applesauce for far too long. Living in a community where you are constantly being stared at and followed around in stores because they have never seen an American before. Living the lifestyle of constantly being upcharged for transportation and who knows what else because you are an American and seeing an American is seeing extra money. Living in a world where there’s never less than two people that you share a room with each month. Living where there’s no air conditioning and each day is a battle with the heat and sometimes, humidity. Living where you sweat as soon as you stop showering, whether that’s out of a bucket, in a freezing cold shower or whatever.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate being on the race. Not at all in the least bit. But it’s a harsh reality. It shouldn’t be, but it is. It shouldn’t be a surprise because here’s the thing: I knew some of those things were going to be experienced this year. In fact, I was warned about those things in reading other racer’s blogs and going to training camp. But the adventure and new and exciting hid it pretty well the first few months.
But it’s month 4. So I can know what to expect, at least have a decent idea, as I go into each month. It’s pretty much going on a month long mission trip. Just in a new location each month. Sometimes with the same people. Sometimes with a switch. But it’s still a mission trip. Just a tad bit longer than the normal ones people go on back home. So imagine how you feel at the end of the two weeks that you spend in Africa, or Mexico, or wherever you go. And how by the end of the time, you can’t wait to get back to the comfort of your own bed. Or to take a hot shower and feel clean. Or eat some of that tasty Chick Fil-A. Or to even share the experience of your trip with others you love.
And I think I was expecting that each time the month ended. To be able to go back to the comfortable. To take a shower. To share my experiences and pictures with my friends & family. But that’s not the case.
So here I am facing month 4. A new continent. A new country. The Philippines. A new ministry. And once again, realizing that those comforts I sometimes long for are still a mere 7 months away. Maybe mere is the wrong word some days. A long and full 7 months away.
I’ve been pondering a lot of what to do with these feelings. Of now seeing what I have really given up for the sake of being on the race. And I think it’s okay to miss those things of comfort. I am human after all and as humans, we all desire comfort in one way or another. And just because I desire those things, doesn’t make me a snob or the worst world racer in the history of mankind. Because guess what? The Lord chose for me to be born and raised in the United States, so I grew up with those comforts just from living there. It’s nothing to beat myself of or think that it’s wrong for me to miss those things.
But I can’t dwell in them. I can’t be wishing and longing for them that I can’t function in where I’m at. Don’t worry, because of God’s grace and mercy and provision, I haven’t made it to that point. And I’m praying I won’t get to that point ever.
So what to do? I think that’s something I’m still trying to figure out. Now that the honeymoon phase is over, it’s about a choice. Choosing to be thankful for the things I do have. Opening my eyes up to, although there may be differences in cultures, and sometimes uncomfortable differences, there can still be beauty and incredible things in the culture and world around me. And just because the Lord doesn’t provide for people here in the same manner that He provides for people back in the U.S. doesn’t mean that He doesn’t provide. Because He does.
God provides just what we need. Enough for the day. Without even having to say a word, He provides exactly what I need. His provision is enough for me to get through each day on the race. When I take a look around the incredible places that I’ve been, life has been a much more simple life. So because life is simpler, people don’t have a need for all the things. And God still provides through it all.
So maybe this race is about living uncomfortably. But I think it may be more about learning to find comfort with where God has me. And rethinking what am I choosing and running to to find comfort. I know I don’t have it all figured out quite yet. It’s definitely a learning process. And sometimes a circular learning process. So I’m praying that the Lord would continue to grow me through this race.
Because it’s not easy and not everything it’s cracked up to be. But still I am living in peace, knowing without a doubt, that this, this world race adventure, is where I’m supposed to be and what He has called me to.
