The race is over. It’s one of my last blog posts on this site. And I’m supposed to write some sort of wrap up of my year to share with you. Which seems to make it one of the most difficult blog posts I’ve written this year. I find myself feeling a little anxious at the lack of thoughts and direction for this blog post. But yet I press on and am sucking it up and writing.
So. 11 months.
How do you wrap up 11 months of unexpected moments and learnings? Of 11 months of teachings that the Lord has shown you? Of 11 months of life-change? 11 months of different cultures.
I think it’s impossible. And so this blog post is going to be something that my best friend & I call a ‘word vomit’ session. Please bear with me as I’m not even sure what this is going to turn into and contain.
Now that I’m home, I’m not quite sure what to do with it all. I’ve seen some of you guys in person and when you ask me how the race was, I feel like I’m a deer caught in the headlights. Even though I did attend a session at final debrief of how to share my story. And even though I have responses prepared, it still catches me off guard and I’m never really sure to start. Because there’s no good starting point of the past 11 months, besides really the beginning, and let’s be real, not too many of you have time for that.
It’s hard being home. I mean, I’m certainly glad to be home. I love being able to spend time with so many of you and share about the race. Which is absolutely great, but makes me feel like I’m still in race mentality – in a new place for just a short time, never feeling settled in. I’m also still on the go and am still living out of a backpack. I haven’t stopped traveling since I’ve been back in the States. And won’t stop until I finally settle down and move at the end of the month. Which I’m most definitely grateful for this time and having the capability to see so many friends & family.
Amongst the traveling, there have been times of quiet. And so here I am, sitting in a coffeeshop (my happy place) in Medford, Oregon, finally having the space to breathe a little and reflect and gather my thoughts. And really try to put words to all the things.
As I wander and drive around different places – sometimes with friends & family, sometimes alone, I get lost in my thoughts. After all that I’ve seen and experienced this year, I have a totally different & new perspective on a lot of things in life. And I’m not quite sure what to do with them all. Or even how to communicate them to others. I find myself asking the Lord, “What do I do with all this perspective? How does it fit in life now? Or rather, how does life fit in into this new perspective?”
I haven’t quite found an answer yet because I’m still figuring out what all this perspective even is and looks like. The Lord is still showing me the ways He’s changed me and grown me throughout this year. Pardon me while I’m still trying to figure it out and put it into adequate words.
I think I would really sum up my year on the race with the word STEADFAST. Seems pretty contradictory since I was moving around every 4 weeks for the past 11 months. But through the 11 months, I was able to see the steadfastness of the Lord so clearly. In so many different ways. In my own personal relationship with Him, I saw His steadfast love so evidently, especially as I continued to fail and stumble over and over again. I saw His steadfast love for the world and the Church in the different cultures in each country. I saw His constant and steadfast presence as He was my only constant the whole eleven months. He was the one I went to because He was always there. I saw His steadfast faithfulness as He continued to teach me old & new things throughout the year through His Word and through the lives around me. He never relented or gave up on me. But He continued to show me what it meant to be steadfast. And to trust more on a deeper level in Him.
So what’s my takeaway from all of that?
I want to continue to go deeper and trust in my steadfast Jesus, but as I do that, I want to imitate that steadfastness in my own life. I want to be someone who is confident and steadfast in her own identity because she knows who she is in the Lord.
I want to be steadfast in my relationships. Being consistent and constant, not leaving people guessing in what I believe or how I’m going to love them. I want to love people well.
I want to be steadfast in my relationship with the Lord, not making it seasonally or feelings based, but really seek to grow more in it. I want to be consistent.
I want to be steadfast in prayer. Over the course of the year, I’ve seen God answer prayers in big and small ways, which was just incredible. But I don’t need to be in a foreign country to see God answer prayers. But I also can’t expect God to answer prayers that I never take time to actually pray.
I want to be steadfast in ministry. Whether it is organized ministry or not, I want to make sure that I have my eyes open to opportunities to love people and show them Jesus. Not if it’s convenient, but to always have an interruptible spirit because people are important and worth stopping for, no matter what it may look like.
Some of you know that I got a physical reminder of the word steadfast. The word just has so much meaning to me and I didn’t want to forget after the race is long gone. And I don’t think being a steadfast person is just going to be a temporary/seasonal lesson, but is a lifelong journey. So why not get something permanent that’s going to stay with me on this lifelong pursuit, right?!
As I’ve been home for only 2 weeks, I’ve quickly learned this is not going to be some cake-walk. Even though I know spending time with the Lord is essential, it’s been one of my biggest challenges. Which sounds so stupid. But it’s the truth. I was warned about this fight, yet I find myself losing the battle some days.
So I thank the Lord for His new mercies every day. And start over. And give it another shot. And I fail some days in loving people well and being steadfast. I’ve come to realize that the only way I’m going to get the hang of this steadfast thing is to really hunker down and ABIDE in the Lord. Remain in Him. Seek Him daily. Constantly. Moment by moment.
It’s hard. But that’s the only way that I’m going to start to imitate Him and his steadfastness. Day by day. Moment by moment.
So that’s what I’m striving for and what I want life to look like now that I’m back. I don’t know any of the other answers to the big “What’s next?” question. Heck, I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone once I get settled and move back to Indiana (maybe? most likely. 99% sure.) But all that is just the small details in light of the big pursuit of becoming steadfast in the Lord.
There. That’s the big thing the Lord has done in my experience of these past 11 months. Not necessarily pretty or packaged nicely with a bow on top. And maybe it doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense. But that’s the beauty in trusting in the Lord. It doesn’t have to make sense for it to be true and what He is doing in my life.
Sorry if this seems pretty jumbled and maybe doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’m not quite sure it even makes sense as it’s coming out. But I’m just writing what’s on my heart and mind right now. Thanks for sticking with me as I write this hot mess of a blog post. And thanks for being faithful in reading these past 11 months.
Speaking of which, it’s been so great to hear that I haven’t been writing to an empty audience this whole time. Haha Some of you have asked if I’m going to continue writing now that I’m back home. And after taking some time to pray about it, I have an answer – YES! I’m not quite sure what it’s going to look like yet or even in what capacity. Something on my list of things to think and pray about over these next few weeks. But I will continue to write and will be starting a new blog over the next few weeks. Once I figure it out, I will update y’all on here and send out the new link for you to check it out, follow, and subscribe to the new updates.
Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey of the World Race. I hope to continue to get together with you and hopefully explain a little bit better and clearly in person of what the past 11 months has really looked like.
Have a wonderful Christmas celebrating the gift of eternal life sent to us in the birth of our Savior!
