It’s a year of surgeries. A year of going under the knife. A year of poking and prodding. A year of exams and consultations. A year of bandages. A year of stitches. A year of aches and pains. A year of recovery. A year of healing. This isn’t what I signed up for when I applied for the race a year ago. But it’s my reality.
This week, it hit me. The Lord is using this year to do some major surgeries. He finds the grossness. The diseases. The mass that shouldn’t be there. The blockage of an artery. And He’s taking this year to get me in a healthy position and place in life. He’s making me undergo surgery after surgery so I can have a healthier heart by the time the year is over.
But surgery hurts. Sure, there’s the removal or fixing of the damaged, diseased, or broken part of the body. But there’s also the recovery process. And the healing, which is sometimes painful. And it takes time, which doesn’t always seem adequate enough. Just when I think I’m on the road to recovery and back on my feet again, He’s sending me back into surgery because there’s something else He’s found that He wants to remove and fix.
Whether it be bitterness, lack of forgiveness, selfishness, anger, or something else, He’s on a mission to get rid of it. There’s not much time for recovery in between. But I know that this is the year that I’ve set apart adequate enough time for Him to remove the grossness and disease. The not so simple surgeries. There’s things in my life that the Lord wouldn’t even be able to touch if I wasn’t in the place that I am. Mostly because I didn’t even realize those things were in my life and needing fixing and removed.
But the Lord is quickly showing me that I am unhealthy. That I have a sick heart. As one surgery is successful, I see that another surgery is right around the corner. Which is hard seeing that this is what this year entails. But I trust in the Lord and can see that I will be in a healthier place when the year is completed. It doesn’t make the idea of a year of surgeries any easier, but I cling to hope that He is good and He is in the field of refinement and cleaning up sick hearts.
It says in the Bible to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind” and that I am a “new creation. The old is gone and the new is come.” And that’s exactly what the Lord is doing. He’s transforming me in surgeries to become new. To be looking more like His image. And right now, I’ve got such a long way to go to look more like Him. But I’ve got the greatest doctor and healer of sick hearts working on me as I go throughout this year. There is great peace in knowing that I’m on the path to a healthier heart this year.
