It’s 2016 people. I don’t know if you realized that or not yet. But the turning of the new year hit me like a ton of bricks. 2016. It’s finally here. Launch is just a mere 4 days away. And here I am, sitting at a friend’s house, out of town, with not a single thing packed. I haven’t even bought everything that I need for my trip. So despite my procrastination tendencies, I am mentally trying to hold back from freaking out. Actually, I’m feeling pretty good. Some packing lists and shopping lists are made, so it’s just a matter of actually getting back to my stuff and beginning. I’m sure it’s all going to come together. And I keep on telling myself, “The later you wait to pack, the less time you’ll have to overthink any decisions about what you’re taking.” So, I’m trying to see it as a good thing.
But anyways. Launch is 4 days away. And by this time next week, I will have boarded a plane to Africa to begin this journey. [Wait, is this for real?] But it is reality. And I’m just not quite sure how to feel about it all. Sure I’m excited. That’s the obvious. But there’s so many other emotions to deal with besides excitement. There’s the sadness of saying goodbye to the people I love. There’s the fear of not really knowing what life is going to look like for the next year. There’s the intimidation of being a team leader and still not knowing 100% what that really means or looks like. There’s the reality settling in of being gone, with no coming back to the comforts of home, for 11 months. There’s the restlessness of tossing and turning at night because I can’t seem to shut my brain off. Then of course it’s back to excitement for the opportunity and adventure that awaits.
I think what I am most excited for is the journey I am about to embark in my relationship with the Lord. The past few days, I’ve had some really sweet time to sit with the Lord and seek and ask Him what He wants in my relationship with Him this year. As I was sitting one day, I felt a prompting to turn on the song “In Over My Head” by Bethel. [Go and Youtube the song!] I love this song to begin with, so I didn’t mind at all. But as I listened closely to the lyrics, it dawned on me, this is what the Lord wants for me this year. Here are the lyrics:
I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
And I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to
I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where I’ve never been
And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
And further and further my heart moves away from the shore
Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Then you crash over me, and that’s where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
So many of these lines just resonated with my soul.
[I’m standing knee deep, but I’m out where I’ve never been]. Check. I’m going to be there. And soon. But I know the Lord is going to meet me there. In the newness and unfamiliarity.
[Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in]. I know I’ve put the Lord in these boxes over the years. But I’m so ready to have Him bust through them.
[Let love come teach me who You are again]. Yes, Lord. I know I will be pouring out and loving people daily, but I know the Lord is going to teach me so much of who He is by the love I receive from others.
[Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You and all I wanted was just to be with You]. My desire and the place I want my heart to long to be in. My focus for this year.
[Whether I sink, whether I swim, it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head]. The promise I’m resting in that it doesn’t matter if I sink or swim in this year. I mean it does, but more so the idea of letting the Lord crash over me and enjoying the beauty of learning who He is and being overwhelmed by Him.
So the Lord has used this song to really get me pumped for this upcoming year. And more importantly for the year with Him. I want to go deeper than I’ve ever gone and soak up all that He is. To be overwhelmed by His heart and His goodness and His character. To know Him.
As 2016 begins, I’m not sure of all the surrounding circumstances or what to expect for this year in traveling to eleven different countries. But I can have the expectation of going deeper in my relationship with the Lord and being beautifully in over my head.
