When I was 17 years old, I specifically remember being in the back of my church sanctuary after choir rehearsal thanking God for how perfect my life was. I was doing everything the right way. I went to school, got excellent grades, didn’t get into any trouble, had lots of extracurricular activities and most importantly, went to church at least three days a week to serve in different capacities. I was a testament to the grace God gives those who obey His commands. I always thought I was living righteous. Every thing I had ever asked for, I had received. Little did I know, that next year would be different.
During my summers in high school, I worked at a summer program called Freedom Schools, a program that taught young African-American children the importance of and power in their heritage. Many African-Americans do not know much about where they came from since many of our ancestors were stolen from Africa and forced into slavery in America. At Freedom Schools, I worked alongside so many great people who taught us about our African heritage and in turn allowed us to teach the younger generation what we now knew to be true. I was proud to work there because I felt an enlivening sense of urgency and connection to empower young people in this way. There was a massive sense of pride there.
One of the earlier years in the program, there was a man who was my superior. I looked up to him as a gentleman who exuded class. He prided himself on making sure things in the program ran smoothly and generations of children were being educated. I always thought he was a great man. He even lived close by to my home. When my summer job ended, I would see him ride down my block often and wave as he drove by. This went on consistently for a couple of years. Until one day, he stopped.
I was in my cap and gown as I was excited to have graduated from high school with honors. As I walk to his car to catch up, he congratulates me and says something like, “Wow, time flies, you’re already 18?” He was a lot older than me. Lets just say at the age I am currently (29), I am still younger than he was that day.
He asks me if I wanted to celebrate my graduation with some old co-workers he was still in touch with. Remembering the man I thought he was, I said, “sure”. We exchanged numbers and I went on to enjoy the rest of my day. A few days later, he called and asked if I still wanted to hang out. He would pick me up later that night.
“I forgot my wallet at my house” he says as I get into the car. So, he drives to his house, which was about two minutes away from my house at the time. He asks if I wanted to come in. I remember not wanting to but for some reason I did. We go to his room to get his wallet and just like that, we end up being physically intimate. I laid there shocked and scared to say anything. I never said no… but I certainly did not like him in that way.
Needless to say, we did not go out that night. I spent the rest of the night lying there thinking “what just happened?” as he laid next to me snoring. While I cannot speak for him, I am 99.99% sure that was his plan for me with all of my inexperience. However, that was just the beginning.
While driving me home, he started trying to convince me why I should be his girlfriend. Knowing that the Bible tells you that you are supposed to be intimate with your husband only, I told him yes. But, I knew in the depths of my heart it was not a good decision.
That summer spun out of control for me. I went from being a God fearing teenager to someone whose life revolved around a man. Silly me, I know. Every night, I allowed him to get me drunk and high off drugs to “teach” me the ropes of physical intimacy since I was a novice. He was the teacher and I was the student. Every. Night. He also did lots of illegal things that surprised me because he was a man I had looked up to for so long. But as it turned out, I did not know that man at all.
It was an extremely toxic relationship to say the least. I felt trapped and suffocated… but in my naïve, spiritually immature eyes, I thought my purity lied with him and I’d never be able to get that back. We dated that entire summer. Although we hadn’t officially ended our relationship when I started college that fall, I was extremely happy to be living 1,000+ miles away from him in Florida. I felt like I could breathe and was glad I was beginning to get a fresh take on life again.
But little did I know his baby was growing inside of me.
