Recently, I received an email from an ex stating, “… I still love you and think about you everyday.” We haven’t spoken in ages. Although I truly care about (and even at one point loved) this man, I know we will never be together again. That chapter is done.
In my past, I’ve dated guys, good and bad. I’ll be honest and say some of those guys liked me a lot more than I did them. But, in my brokenness and selfishness, I led some of them to believe the feelings I had were mutual because I liked the attention (and/or the worldly possessions) I was receiving. I used my hardened heart as a defense mechanism because I’d been hurt in my past and wasn’t going to let a guy hurt me again. Unbeknownst to me at the time, what I’d do was much worse than what anyone had ever done to me.
I never outwardly said, “I love you” to a man if I didn’t mean it. What I’d do was omit things from them- like my true feelings when I knew they weren’t the same, which is just as bad. It was a vicious cycle that got me nowhere but trouble. It’s such a worldly game that only just a couple of years ago, I’d stopped playing. And I don’t ever want to play that game again.
Ever.
I know some women (even some men) reading this may relate.
The email reminded me that I have a duty not only to him but to Him to protect what is most precious to all of us- our longing for love and true acceptance. After (viewer discretion advised), I relearned how important it is to guard my own heart but I’m realizing more and more, it’s just as important to guard his (or his.. or his) heart, too.
In life, I feel like most of our misery stems from feeling unloved or even abandoned by someone you love/d. In the midst of a bad situation, the feeling of being unloved, unaccepted or abandoned can sometimes be worse than the actual situation. Love is everything and most of us don’t realize how much we long for it; in fact, most of us don’t even realize we’re searching for it. The most interesting and amazing thing about all of this is that God IS love; and we’ve actually been longing for HIM the whole time.
God’s love is stronger than the love between a man and a woman- He created that love! That longing you have in your heart is for Him. And He will never leave you, forsake you, give you the wrong phone number, or lead you on. It’s not in His nature. He will only do what is pure, what is true, what is noble and what is just.
My prayer is to never again lead a man anywhere but to Jesus. My finite love will simmer and may eventually evaporate. But it’s God’s love that is unquenchable and everlasting. We can NEVER exhaust Him. We have a responsibility to always point others to God. When we don’t, that’s when the enemy takes strongholds and has opportunities to take over people. I’d never wish that on anyone let alone someone I care about.
So, what am I going to do about the email? Pray for discernment. In time, God will reveal what He wants me to do. But, I must continue to be clear and up front with my true feelings at all times to all people. And when my words are not understood, my actions should always be. To any man’s heart I’ve failed to guard in my past, my apologies. It is my prayer you will find true love… with The One whose love is unconditional.
I encourage anyone reading this who may be in a similar situation to ask God to reveal the rationale behind your motives. God doesn’t intend for us to hurt each other or to be hurt. He wants to prosper us and give us all good things.
Ladies, check your heart posture, is it in the right place? Do you allow the guy you don’t like to continue to text you “good morning” seven days a week knowing he likes you? Are you honestly interested in the guy who takes you out on dates, or do you just want a free meal? Do you entertain your ex-boyfriend when he professes his love to you or are you straight up with him about not wanting to try the relationship again? If your heart isn’t in the right place, start by asking God into it to perform spiritual heart surgery. Trust me, He has a 100% surgical success rate. All of His patients have been extremely satisfied. He won’t let you down, either.
🙂
Xoxo,
Belle
