I finished reading "Redeeming Love" today by Francine Rivers. The whole story left me in shambles for three days. From the very beginning my heart was broken by the story. With the ups and downs of the whole novel. It continued to add to my desire to know more. To know what would happen next.
Then as I continued reading some characters were made real to me. More real than ever before.
The love and hope shared in the story amidst tragedy, sorrow and death to the soul continuously brought me to tears. The love in the story revealed to me that it is the love I feel for a man, but beyond that revelation God had more in store for me.
He intended to bring a newness to the intimacy He and I already have. Bringing a freshness to my spirit. I had to be broken and willing to cry and let it all out first.
There have always been things that held me back from loving people the way I love them inside. Mostly fear. Fear that it wouldn't be accepted or good enough.
I talked to God about this, or He talked to me.
I heard the whisper in the wind as we were sailing across the Nicaragua Lake. "They need your love. The real love inside you're afraid to share. There's more and you know it. You asked for more. More means vunerable sometimes. They need me and I need you to love them better. I love you. Show them the love I have put in you." So gentle, and loving. My heart is still jerked by the thought of it.
More vulnerability. Letting go and opening my arms wide for what only the Lord knows. Except I feel safer. Closer to Him and with each new heartfilled smile, hug or touch that I give. I feel Him loving them through me.
