If you’ve read my blogs you know I love my family. A lot.
You know it was ridiculously hard for me to say “goodbye” to them before I left.
The hardest goodbye I had to say, though, was to my grandmother, given she informed us in previous months that she had terminal lung caner.
Since then her health has slowly and painfully deteriorated.
The last night I saw her before I left was heartbreaking.
I’ll never forget the way she looked at me.
The way she hugged me and shook with sadness.
The way she cried…neither of which my parents had ever seen before.
The unspoken notion that this was the last time we’d see each other broke both our hearts.
After 8 long months of suffering, though, my grandmother passed away three days ago.
Grandpa holding her hand in her last moments
Oh, how I wish I could have seen her one last time.
My grandma was not a believer.
She was the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.
And even by worldly standards she did not do many things right in life.
But she loved her family.
She loved her granddaughters.
And whether or not she verbally told my mother growing up, I know she loved her deeply, too.
The one comfort I have from all of this is that my father prayed with her at different times before her passing.
And by a peace that can come only from the Lord, he believes she came to know the Lord in her last moments.
Praise God for His unrelenting love.
My heart still hurts so much though.
I wish I were at home with my family.
I wish I could hug my mom and dad.
I wish I could cry with my sisters.
I wish I could attend the funeral.
But I can’t.
I find that being so distracted and removed from everything it doesn’t hit me she’s gone until random moments throughout the day.
And it hurts even more to think that it might not truly set in until I return home and really realize she’s not there…..and that everyone else around me has already had some sort of closure.
So I’m hurting.
But know that I have great friends here who are hugging me and simply grieving with me.
I ask that you would keep my grandpa, my family, and me in your prayers.
