Well, folks. For those of you who don’t know….
I………….am……………..HOME.
That’s right.
And I bet you’ve been wondering how I’ve been with reentry and all that jazz…as well as what I’ll be doing next…
Sometimes it seems like the race was yearrrrs ago.
Sometimes it even seems like it was figment of my imagination.
And it’s hard to put into words all the emotions I’ve gone through since coming home.
But to help you get a feel for where I’m at, here are some things I’ve felt the last few weeks:
frustration indifference
sorrow
gratitude sadness
confusion
joy restlessness
Frustration:
Oh, boy.
To put it simply, I’ve been frustrated over the materialism and consumerism that has been so prevalent during this “holiday” season (as is typically the case every year).
I’ve been frustrated for feeling unable to adequately express the above attitude without sounding judgemental.
And I’ve even been frustrated for having so many things myself.
Indifference:
Little things I used to enjoy before the race – I think “Eh, what’s the point?”
Things that used to bother me – I think “Eh, it could be worse.”
Things that used to gross me out – I don’t even think twice about them.
Confusion:
Sometimes I get caught up in how I’m actually feeling, how I think I should be feeling, and how others think I am or should be feeling, that I get confused…and don’t even know what it is that I am feeling. Confusing, huh?
Sorrow:
In light of recent events (a typhoon in the Philippines – one of my favorite countries, the stabbing of children in China, and the horrific event in Connecticut), my heart has been overwhelmed with grief and sorrow.
Sadness:
Yes, I look forward to that sweet reunion in Heaven, and who knows….I very well could go back and see these people someday.
But it’s especially sad to think about the many children I loved on, and not knowing if they’re safe and alright, or even what path they end up choosing in life.
And, let’s not forget, sadness that I’m not around these crazy, awesome people anymore. The people I just spent this last year with….for better or for worse. 🙂
BUT on the flipside of all these seemingly depressing feelings, I am so thankful for having met these people, which leads me to….
Gratitude:
Being so unbelievably grateful (and humble!) for this experience that many helped make possible. Because of people’s faithful giving, supporting, and praying the Lord was able to use me as an instrument to love on those women. To hug, play with, and pick up those precious children. To learn to live in community, what it means to love well within that community, and how to embrace and share that type of community with people around the world and back at home. (And, let’s be honest, there are even things I am still learning after living in that type of community!)
Joy:
Ahhhh, yes. That moment when you realize you’re looking at your family members in person and not through a computer screen. Pure joy.
Reuniting with friends who have loved and supported me from day one. Also pure joy.
Restlessness:
As much as I’ve enjoyed sleeping in, resting it up, and scheduling absolutely nothing, my heart has been restless. It’s in moments when I have nothing to do that I think about the places I’ve seen and the people I’ve met that I feel like I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I feel like I even have a greater responsiblity now, and that can entail a number of things.
It could be giving a voice for those who don’t have one.
It could be advocating for the various ministries I was blessed to work alongside this year.
Or it could even be going back…
While plans have not been made, my heart has been tugged towards certain countries and ministries I’ve visited since returning home. If and when I return is a matter I’ve been taking to the Lord. Because as much as I want to just go, go, go and say “Lord, send me!”, I know I have to slow down and listen to what it is He wants. One thing I’ve learned and have to relearn over and over again is that following Jesus is so much more than just doing things for Him, it’s being with Him. And this being with Him includes learning to be content wherever it is He asks me to serve for the time being – whether that’s here in the States or somewhere else in tHis world.
Needless to say, my final prayer request regarding the World Race and this season of my life is for the Lord’s direction from here. Pray that wherever and whatever it is He directs me to, whether that’s overseas or here in the U.S. that I am obedient and content.
My prayer for YOU is that the Lord would bless you abundantly.
That He would bless you for giving.
That He would bless you for praying.
That He would bless you for simply reading these blogs.
That He would bless you for encouraging my teammates and me.
That He would bless you for furthering His Kingdom.
Because even though He sent me to go, He needed the rest of His body to play their roles in this journey. This was a full on effort of the body of Christ.
So a thousand times over – THANK YOU!!!
Thank you for loving God by loving our brothers and sisters around the world.
(Oh, and since my last blog title wasn’t eye catching in the least bit, I thought I’d have this one make up for it, hehehehe)
